My Name is Vincent Ryan Keller
by Christine Mae
Summary: Based from CW's Beauty and the Beast 2012 series. Vincent's side of story.
1. Chapter 1

I never wanted any of this. Yes, I was impulsive and mad. I made a decision I thought can bring justice for my brothers, for my family. But I was wrong. That decision made everything worse. My family thought I died while serving in Afghanistan. I cannot knock on their door and tell them "Hey, I'm alive." I cannot show up to them just like that. There was a funeral. They buried me with my brothers.

I guess I can say that I am still lucky having JT in my life. He is my best friend, my brother in a non biological way. We grew up together, shared our entire childhood and hide me in a warehouse for almost a decade after I survived Afghanistan. The first person who knows about what happened to me when I joined the military and together we are finding the cure, my cure.

JT is a Bio Chem professor and he... we had been studying my DNA for the past years. But, no luck. I am not even sure if there is a cure for me. Still, JT keeps his hopes high that there is a cure somewhere out there.

What happened to me? It was called Operation Muirfield. I really don't know who they are, where they are from. I think they are affiliated with the Government since they work with us, the Military. They injected us with this... made us "super soldiers" with super strength and speed and super senses. I can throw a car. I run like The Flash. I can hear people talking from a long distance. I can smell chemicals. Night visions. I even heal quickly. Amazing, right?

But these amazing perks that I have has its own disadvantages. It altered my DNA and turned me into a monster. A beast. And when I am on that state, my face is warped. My eyes are yellow. My hands turn into claws. I remember when it happens though. I just cannot control it. I killed people in Afghanistan. Bad and good. Accident or not.

Being like this... how can I face my family? How will they understand? Will they accept me? Will Alex still want to be married to a monster like me? JT is the only person that came to mind that might understand what happened. I was not even sure if he would. I just took my chances. And thank you because he did.


	2. Chapter 2

_Suit and tie. Church. JT standing beside me. My best man. From afar is a woman in a beautiful white gown walking down the aisle towards the altar. Towards me. Red hair. Blue eyes ...Alex Salter._

* * *

I woke up by the smell of pancakes and is that coffee or tea? JT must have been up already for school.

That was a strange dream. It's been a long time since I dreamt of Alex. I might have thought about her. Subconsciously. Besides JT, Alex and I grew up together with my brothers. While taking up Med School, she was taking her Nursing course. And when I got my residency in New York General, Alex grab the opportunity to work on the same hospital as a resident nurse. We were inseparable. That's why when I made the decision to join the military, it was very hard for the both of us. We were on our way in getting married. To live our life together, happily. It was really difficult when I left her but then I'm doing this for my family. For myself. We keep our communication as constant as we could through exchange of letters. But ever since I escaped from Afghanistan and came back to New York, I never dared to see her or even just check on her. How's her life been? Does she have her own family by now? I was scared. She was my first love and hoped to be my last.

"Good morning, big guy." JT greeted while I'm on my way for a toothbrush. "Grab yourself some breakfast and I'm off for school. Stay out of trouble." Aww. Yes, big brother.

To-do list. Dishes. Laundry. Read books or articles about altered DNA or some newspapers. With this life I have that feels like I'm in prison, well... with Xbox and a flat screen that is, I need to know what's going on outside MY world. Then maybe a little bit of work out, some push ups... Welcome to my life.

Stayed in the warehouse the whole day doing my so-called chores. Waiting for dusk to cover the sky. Darkness. That's my kind of scenario where less people are on the streets and nobody can notice me. Yes, my life has been in a hiding. Nobody should know about me.

* * *

Taking a walk to end the day. To get some air on this cold night in New York. I keep my head down with a baseball cap to avoid eye contact to people. To protect myself. Who knows there are cameras around.

"Hey!" I heard someone called behind my back. I started to walk faster until I felt a pull from the back of my coat. I have no choice but to look back. "Hi! I need help."


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm sorry to bother you, sir. I just need a little help going to St John's University?" I looked back and in front of me is a woman in her mid 20's. "At this hour? It's almost 10pm." I told her. Even too late for night classes. "No, no. School starts tomorrow and I'm trying to find a shortcut going to St John's. Any... uh... idea?" I didn't answer. I just stared at her. Listening to her. Her heart is beating a little fast. Maybe because she ran trying to catch me. I'm trying to assess her and make sure she is just one of the local citizens in New York, not one of the agents Muirfield can send for me. She is what, 25, 26-ish?

The woman noticed the silence between us and looked down with a disappointed smile. "I'm sorry again to approached you just like that. I'm staying at my friend's apartment and will be moving out tomorrow for St John's and I don't wanna be late so... but thank y- " I cut her out. "I'm not that sure though but I think you can take F Train at 169th Street station then take either Q-30 or Q31 bus going to the university." She looked up with a pretty smile. "That's a big help already. Thank you so much, sir." I smiled back at her. "Hey! I'm not that old to be called a "Sir"." Her eyes grew bigger. "Oh no, no, si- I mean... It's just that you are walking with your head down but you seem to know where to turn every time so I assumed you know the neighborhood. " Really, now. "Have you been following me?" I asked her. "Of course not! It's just... you're the first person I noticed... So, 169th Street station it is. Thank you again. Um, I'll go ahead. Have a goodnight." She walked away and I continued my night stroll.

* * *

"Where have you been, big guy? " I gave JT a "nowhere" look. "Seriously. Where do you usually go? Wa… Wait. Are you checking out your family in Astoria. V… I thought we've talked about it?" The always worried JT. "Yes, we did and I have not forgotten. Don't worry, man. I was just taking my night stroll, okay? Night, bud. Thanks for everything." Another day had ended.

* * *

_Fire. Explosions. Gun shots. Blood on my hands. I don't know how or where nor from whom it came from. Women and children screaming. Smoky, burning atmosphere. Something caught my attention or someone. A woman wearing a burka/burqa crying. Green eyes… Then shifted to a black, hazy night in the woods. I can hear heart beats racing. Two or maybe three people. A woman running. Two armed men chasing her. I can sense danger. One man aimed to shoot her. I feel the adrenaline kicked in to save her and instinct ruled me to kill those men. I see her laying on the ground. Her forehead is bleeding. Green eyes. I now recognize her. Catherine._

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**I find this chapter kinda awkward though. Watcha think? Lemme know. :)))**


	4. Chapter 4

Her name is Catherine Chandler. Nine years ago, her mother was killed in front of her by two M agents. I was in one of my night strolls and I happened to pass by Salty Dawg bar near the woods when I heard three or five gun shots. I ran as fast as I could and saw an older woman in medical clothes fell down and beside her looks like her daughter who was not able to do anything for her mother but ran. She ran through the woods trying to escape the two gun men chasing her. She tripped and fell. I am taking the right time when to attack. One of them aimed a gun, about to shoot her. That's my cue. I am already beasted out. I charged and left no sign for those two men to be alive. Catherine stayed laying on the ground. Her forehead has a cut and bleeding. Our eyes met. She didn't scream. She just looked at me. She doesn't look scared either. I heard police cars approaching. I ran and left her.

Why did I thought of her anyway? It has been quite awhile since I last saw her. I used to visit her, well, followed her. Am I reminding myself of Catherine because I met a girl last night? It was nothing anyway. She just needs directions. I'm sure we will no longer bumped into each other. Maybe I should pay her a visit. Catherine, I mean. I hope she still lives at the same apartment.

* * *

"Have you been following me?" Okay. I thought she already left for the University. I turned around. "Me? No. Don't be mistaken. Maybe you are. You should be in St John's by now right? What are you still doing here?" "Right… I am just getting the last batch of my stuff. See?" She showed me her backpack and a trolley case and carrying a box at the same time. "You know now your way, right?" I reminded her from the first time she asked me for directions. "Of course. Thanks to you." Looking at the stuff she is with… "Hey, as much as I wanted to help you but…" "Oh, no. That's okay. I'll take a cab from here. The directions from last time did help but it's difficult to take the train with these." Pointing out her stuff. "So. It was nice seeing you again, mister. Thank you." I smiled. "You're welcome. Goodbye." I realized I've been looking at her for several minutes as she walked away. I left when I saw her hailed and get in a cab.

Okay. Back to my plan. I will go visit Catherine Chandler. Just a good look at her from afar will be enough.

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**Review please. :))) Thank you!**


	5. Chapter 5

Seriously? She is still dating that Zeke guy? What kind of name is that anyway?

I can feel my furrowed brows and it's giving me a headache. I was watching them from above the building across Catherine's apartment. Looks like they had a date since she went home late. Don't tell me she will let him come up? Not now, please. I was here first. Oh, man. They went upstairs. I need to get closer. Oh no. I think that was a bad idea. Why am I panicking?

The nearest I could be was her fire escape. I heard her main door open. Thanks to one of my super senses. They talked about the movie they just watched. A fridge just closed. I hope it's just water. I heard her giggle. She really is fond of that guy, huh. Then I heard a "goodnight" and a smack. Sounds like a kiss. Whatever.

I heard her called her sister's name but no one answered back. Finally, she opened the door to her room. My heart raced. Can I please see her? I peeked through the window. She was facing the mirror with a smile on her face. God, she is so pretty. Glad to know she is happy.

I really like when Catherine tie her hair up. What do women call that? A bun? Yeah, I think so. I can see her Asian decent when she does her hair like that. She moved to the other side of her room where I cannot see her from where I am. So, I leaned to my right to get a good sight of her and when I did, she was just wearing her robe. I flinched and froze for a bit and later did I know gravity pulled me that I lost my balance. My right boot stuck on one of the treads of the stairs of her fire escape and it made a loud thud. Catherine startled from the noise I made and walk towards the window. Just in time, I was able to remove my boot and sped up to the roof top. Whew. That was close.

I heard her closed her windowpane. I went back to the building right across her apartment but I can no longer see her. She must have taken a shower. I sat and waited. After several minutes, her door swung open and she was still on her robe. Whew. She moved to the side of her closet and when I saw her again she was already in her PJs. She looked soo cute on that. She brushed her hair while holding her phone. Maybe texting her boyfriend?

The thought made me sad. Wish she could call me. Wish she could send me a message. Wish I could take her to the movies, too. Oh, well. Lights went out. Sweet dreams, Catherine.

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**Thank you in advance for your reviews! :)))**


	6. Chapter 6

**Murder Victim's Daughter Claims "Beast" Saved Her.**

I have stared at this clip for almost an hour. She looked so scared and traumatized on this photo. And, oh! She mentioned me. That a beast saved her. Of course no one believed her claim. Who would? I kept tabs on her ever since. I don't know why. I can't forget how she looked at me the night I saved her. I felt a strong connection between us.

"Hey, V? Are you up there?" I startled by JT's footsteps on his way up. I immediately hid the clip in the drawer and stood up. "What are you doing up here?" I pretended to scan the pages of a book. "Nothing. Just reading some of your books. Might find something new. For the cure." Whew. "Okay... Come downstairs. We have take outs." My stomach grumbled to agreement. I secured the drawer is close. JT should not find out about her. He is going to go ballistic.

"Classes done for today?" I wondered why he was home at this time. "Not yet. Still have one more by 3:30. I just thought to eat lunch at home." I thanked him by smiling but that turned into a frown. JT noticed my look. "What's wrong? You don't like the food? Are you being choosy now?" I didn't answer. Still making sure of what I heard. My hands were clench. "What now?" JT was now in panic mode. I heard a car pulled over. That's it. Someone is here.

Both of us stood up as soon as we heard the knock. "JT Forbes? NYPD." JT gave me an "Uh-oh" look. "Mr. Forbes?! Open up!" I ran upstairs as JT opened the door for them. I stood near the stairs so I can see who our visitors were. Two NYPD women. What did JT do to have such visitors? He questioned if this was about his speeding ticket. No. That's good but bad because they were asking about me. What did I do?

One of them started to walk and observed the surroundings. I was able to take a good look of her face since she looked upstairs. And when she did, I felt my heart stopped. Of all the NYPD women in New York. It was Catherine. The Catherine Chandler. "You think we could look around?" Uh... not a good idea, Catherine. But glad to hear that JT found an excuse.

The two women left and I made sure they did as I watched them get in their car. JT came back upstairs and I was expecting him to freak out which he did. I guess I can no longer keep this secret to him. "What the hell did you do?!" I got the clip from the drawer, showed it to him and all I said was... "That was her."

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**Thank you for reading! :)))**


	7. Chapter 7

I listened and understood JT's rants and lectures and panics about what just happened. "Well, Congratulations 'coz now we've got "her" at our door!" I was not able to stopped myself and I blurted out. "Yeah, well, I didn't know it was gonna be her case, did I?" Oppsss. Wrong choice of words. " 'Her case.' Wh… wha… Have you been keeping tabs on her?" And that's it. I got a little pissed and let my frustrations known. I mean, I'm not complaining but sometimes my night strolls helps me feel that I still have a life somehow. And last night, the woman was in danger and I tried to help her but I was too late and left her at a hotel instead.

I haven't given up in finding the cure. But sometimes, it's frustrating every time I try the cure and it doesn't work… Ugh! I don't wanna say it but seems like it's hopeless. And it is difficult to accept that this is going to be my life. JT finally got my point but he has always the last thing to say. "...but if Catherine Chandler starts asking questions, alerting Muirfield that you're alive, we'll both dead, man. And I don't mean a piece of paper dead. DEAD. Like dead, dead."

I admit that the pandemonium happened earlier today made me feel a bit scared. JT was right. What if Muirfield tracked us. We have been in hiding for almost ten years and this is our only sanctuary. And Catherine… she found me. Well, almost. But I don't think they're going to bother us again. They've been investigating couple of suspects that linked to the victim. I hope they find the killer. Well… what a day this has been. Good because she was here. Bad because I gave JT a heart attack. I shall rest.

* * *

I must have been really tired since I woke up late today. I went downstairs for a toothbrush and JT was nowhere to be found. Yeah, school day. I heard a car door slammed shut. Is JT just about to leave? I further listened to the footsteps. I washed my mouth and ran upstairs because I heard her again. "NYPD. Got a warrant. Mr. Forbes?"

"Mr. Forbes?" Oh no, no. She's coming upstairs. What to do? What to do? "Mr. Forbes?! I know you're up here. I can hear you." Oh, God. It's really her. "He's teaching class." Shit. Did I just say that? I think I did because she took her gun ready to shoot me if I am not going to show myself. Shit. I didn't have a choice. "You're Vincent Keller. You look pretty good for a dead guy."

I explained how and why they found my DNA at the crime scene. I told her their victim was poisoned which her colleague confirmed. And the question that I was not expecting and I'll try my best not to answer came up. Instinctively, my eyes moved to the table where the clip was left and she saw it. "Why do you have that?" I didn't answer. "I need to know why you have that?" She looked pissed. Thanks to her partner that saved me for more questions. All I did was beg her not to tell anyone about me. "We're not done here." She warned me and they left.

* * *

Is this good or bad? Seeing Catherine I mean. Will I see her again? I heard her clearly when she said, "we're not done here." So I guess that means I would, right? Ugh! I can't stop thinking about her. I need to see Catherine.

She got in her car and left the precinct when I arrived. Did they resolved the case already? Where is she going? I followed her. I have run a lot lately. Whether from building to building or running upstairs in the warehouse. I did twice when she came over.

The train station? Why here? Does it have something to do with the victim? I don't feel good about this. I saw her talking to a man with a briefcase. "Oh… I wouldn't wanna be the reason you were late on your son's birthday." He chuckled. "Did you bring it with you?" The man asked her and she got something from her pocket. Bring what? What is she giving him? Did she say corrupted? Is she giving him my DNA?

The next thing I saw was the man holding a knife tried to kill her but Catherine was able to give him some karate moves and kicks. Then another guy came behind her and they fought and she killed one of them. The older guy received two or three punches from her that brought his nose to bleed. Catherine had taken down two guys. I thought it was over but a woman came out and they fought hard. Catherine missed her step and fell down the tracks. She can't move and one of the bad guys was about to pull the trigger. No way. I did what I needed to do and threw them both to the tracks. In front of Catherine. I looked at her and she gave me that stare again. Not the scared look but the curiosity look. I kicked her gun and ran down the train tracks to hide.

She followed me and I heard her calling my attention. "Hey! Hey! I know you're down here. Come out! Come out! Hey, come out here! I know you're here. I know you can see me!" Too late for me to know that a train is coming our way. I grabbed her. Pinned her to the side and used my body to protect her. When it was over, she turned around and studied my face. Her face so close to mine. Breathing heavily, she recognized me. "You're him."

I don't know if it was a good idea that I brought her home. She had bruised her knees that needs attention. I think that's a good excuse. I realized how stubborn she was because she wants to know everything. As much as I wanted her not to get involve with my situation, I told her about my brothers, how they died. My vengeance. Afghanistan. Muirfield. I can sensed she felt sad for me. Pity. She reminded me that I saved her. I guess I told her more than I should because she started to asked questions about Muirfield and its connection to her mom which I don't know how. Those questions made me uneasy and I told her to leave and not come back. This has been a long day.

* * *

I told you she was a stubborn woman. She came back and told me that some Military guys came to the precinct and took the agents from the platform. Questioning is really a part of her job because that's what she did to them which she shouldn't have. I explained everything that I could on how dangerous she gotten herself into. I got mad of her stubbornness and I beasted out in front of her. Yes. She saw me in my beast form. She ran because I scared her. I hope.

I don't want anyone's life in danger because of me. JT already is. I don't want that for Catherine. However, she showed up again at the warehouse and she looked beautiful on that red dress. I remembered we said "Hi" to each other and I totally forgot that JT was there. I asked JT for a space for Catherine. I was mesmerize by how beautiful she was. She came by and explained herself why she keeps asking about her mom. She feels responsible for her death. I told her she was not the reason. Muirfield is but I don't know how or why. She reminded me again that I saved her life. Twice. And that I am not a monster.

* * *

It was her father's engagement party. I watched her as she spent the party with her family and friends. But I still saw sadness on her face. I hope she will be okay. At least, she now knows she was not the reason her mother died. I was somehow satisfied by looking after her from afar. But after all everything that had happened these past few days, I think I can do more than that.

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**Thank you as always for reading. :)))**


	8. Chapter 8

The warehouse where we now live used to be a Chemical Plant. I forgot what JT told me how he found this place. We just moved in here one day when JT decided to live our lives in solitude. It was almost midnight and I am hanging out on our rooftop. To get some fresh air. Well, if there is any. I'm sure this place is full of toxic.

I smiled as I remember Catherine recognized me when she paid me a visit for the second time. The way she look when I came out of hiding from the... where was I hiding anyway? See? I forget things when my thoughts are about her. Her investigative look with furrowed brows. Oh, yeah. She saw me transformed. Well, not completely but she saw the other side of me. She was definitely frightened and ran off. I shouldn't have done that though but I was so furious of her being so... persistent. I mentioned several times not to under-estimate Muirfield's capacity. Ugh. Hardheaded woman.

"Care to share?" JT sat beside me with his beer. "Want some?" I grinned. He knows I can't drink anymore. "So. How long has it been?"

What is he talking about? "Don't you give me that 'no idea' look. You sure do know what I'm talking about." I knew it will get down to this.

"Uhh... Her name is Catherine Cha..."  
"I already know her name and let me remind you, she is a cop!" He noticed he raised his voice so he spoke calmly next. "Okay. How'd you know her?"  
"She... I... saved her 9 years ago. There were these men who tried to kill her. Muirfield. And..."  
JT's eyes grew big when I mentioned M. "What does she has to do with Muirfield?"  
"Muirfield killed her mom. In front of her. She ran to the woods and... I saved her."  
"By killing those men. Wow. You're a hero, huh. When was this? Almost a decade ago? Then you started following her? Stalker!"

I couldn't help it I laughed at the terminology. "You like her?" I was surprise by his question. "Well, you are not stupid enough to put your life at risk if you don't. Okay. I just answered my own question. Lemme say that you know the danger of this, big guy. Alright then. Get inside when you're done with your thoughts. Stalker!" I laughed again. He stood up and went on his way down. This guy has a different approach of taking care of me.

* * *

JT's question made my tongue-tied. Do I like her? Maybe. I just felt that there is a need for me to check on her from time to time. It doesn't mean I like her, does it? Yes, I have helped other people but Catherine... she is special. We have this indescribable, strong connection. Those green eyes... and one thing that I am proud of... She saw me at my ugliest but she still think I am a hero. I can't stop smiling. Fine. I like her.

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**Thank you for your time to read. :)))**


	9. Chapter 9

I came home from my night stroll and I saw JT with an ice pack on his head. I got scared of what happened to him. He is my responsibility after all the sacrifices he had done for me.

"Your little girlfriend did this to me." JT instantly said as soon as he saw me with my worried face. "She dropped these for you. Some of her mom's research. She wants you to take a look at it. Might have something to do with splicing DNA." I scanned the papers titled **_Human Growth through DNA Sequence Alteration_**. Hmm. She has a point. I thought her mother was an Infectious Diseases Specialist. "That girlfriend of yours is really..."

"She is NOT my girlfriend, JT." I emphasized.

"Whatever, dude. All I'm saying is I am not pro of this little affiliation of yours. I even suggested of putting up a flashing neon sign that Vincent Keller lives here."

I should see Catherine. She must stop resolving her mother's case which was already closed 9 years ago. Have I not made myself clear of the danger we were into?

* * *

They might have an emergency case since I did not found her in her apartment. I have to go find her. I'll make sure I'll stay on rooftops.

I spotted her on 10th street working on a possible suicide case. I moved to the building where the victim have jumped from. She and her colleagues instructed to inspect the premise. I'll stay and wait here.

I waited before I made my presence known while she was inspecting the ballet rooftop. I started to walk behind her as she looked down from the building and covered her mouth if she screams. Well, she struggled hard to get off me.

"I read your mom's papers."

"And?"

And here we go again. What kind of lecture does she need to make her stop this? I don't see any connection between Muirfield and her mother. No idea why they were tracking her.

"What it means that you know more than you're telling me."

I was speechless. I can't believe how persistent she was! "I know that woman is lying." I changed the topic. "The other dancer you interviewed."

As much as I tried changing the topic, it still goes back to her mother. "No, okay? You are playing with fire. These people from Muirfield, they will not stop until they buried me and anyone who knows about me."

"So, it did have to do with Muirfield." I just shook my head in disbelief.

I jumped off the building when I heard her partner came up. No one else should know about me.

* * *

Chromosomes. Genetic engineering. Altered DNA. Catherine's mom had indeed worked or studied about these. I hope I can find here a recommendation on direct reversal of DNA. I stopped tapping my pen. I listened closely. Someone's outside.

What is she doing under the rain?

"I didn't wanna get hit by a bat. And I'm not here about my mom."

* * *

I suppressed my grin as I listened to Catherine talked about her case. Are you kidding me? Using a case as an excuse to get more information about her mother? Whenever our pulse is racing, it could mean anything. Scared, excited. nervous, lying, making an excuse...

I showed her a photo of my platoon way back in Afghanistan. Maybe it's because of our experiences. Me, enlisted to join the war with vengeance in my heart, whose life was turn into a monster and her, who saw her mom gunned down in front of her, that we can no longer recognized ourselves on any photos. We were having our moments but JT interrupted.

"Ah. I thought I heard squealing." Oh no, big brother. And... another two minutes of lecture. Yes, I know she's a cop and what playlist was he talking about? We were talking about a case!

"All good?" Catherine checked. We talked about the photo. I told her about one of the members of my platoon, Ray. I understood Catherine's concern. To clear my name. But investigating Muirfield and work together to put them down? I don't think it's possible.

"Catherine, I'm a criminal." I clearly stated.  
"You were a victim."

There she goes again. Leaving me speechless. I reminded her instead of the ballerina case. I stood up and left. I'm sure she knows her way out.

* * *

I beasted out again today. In front of her. Why? She had gone too far! She took my photo and even ran interfacial recognition. What was she thinking?! Muirfield tracks everything! I was fuming mad that I almost tear down the wall as she defended herself from what she did. I thought of her safety now. JT and me. She is now on their radar, no doubt. We're doomed.

I didn't went home. I needed to calm myself. I'm sure JT had another heart attack.

* * *

See? Even her sister was not okay of what she was doing. She had a little argument with her about their mother's stuff all over the place. I heard her talking to someone on the phone. Virus. Hard drive wiped clean. Oh, no. This is what I'm afraid of. She left the apartment after that conversation. Where to? Precinct?

I followed her car on her way to the precinct. However, I stopped when I saw her car suddenly bumped into someone on a bike. Then I heard a gun shot and I panicked.

I ran as fast as I could. I held my breath when I saw her fighting for her life from someone I have no idea. I thought she could handle it with her strong karate techniques. But when he strangled her. I was lost and grabbed him and threw him away to wherever I don't care. Unsatisfied, I turned my back to where he landed to make sure he was out of breath.

"Vincent!" I stopped. "It's okay. I'm okay." I trusted her words and left.

* * *

Yesterday was really tiring. I can stay on the bed the whole day. I wondered how is she. Slight injuries, I hope.

"V, you've got a love letter here." JT announced when he arrived. It was from Catherine. "From your girlfriend." I gave him a 'whatever' look. The photo was inserted together with the four pages letter.

* * *

I left her a note to meet me at the ballet rooftop. "I didn't know where else to meet." She apologized for her actions and promised not to bother me anymore. That would be a great idea, isn't it? "But as much as I keep saying 'stay away'... I... keep showing up to." I know she won't tell anyone about me. She may be a cop but she is a good friend, too. "And... you seen me when I don't want anyone to see me and you still haven't run."

"Looks like you haven't run from me either." I nodded in agreement. "Can we start over?" she said with a smile.

This could be a good start for us.

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**Thank you so much for reading and your reviews are really helpful. :)))**


	10. Chapter 10

For the past decade, I kept myself in the dark and left everything behind. So, it really feels good to communicate with another human being besides JT. I mean, JT is….. J.T. But Catherine… she's different. I think she understands my pain but I'm not hundred percent sure though in terms of trust. What if she will soon realize that I am a danger to society? And as JT always remind me that she is a cop, she put people like me away. I am just so glad that we had a fresh start. I hope.

* * *

Besides hanging out on rooftops to gather my thoughts, I like working out, too. Although, running is still on top of my list as the best exercise for body and mind but I can no longer do that. So, push/pull ups is a good alternative and since I am using force, it helps me feel stronger and more determined on how to deal with life.

"Another special delivery for you, big guy!" JT handed me a small piece of paper and it read 'Hi! How are you?' I held back my smile. I don't want JT to make fun of me. "You know that cop is really... I don't know... She is beyond describing! Can't she understand she is putting us in jeopardy?! And herself, too!" Hell, yeah. I told Catherine that several times.

"So... you and Catherine have decided to keep in touch." he sorta stressed the phrase 'keep in touch'.

"Carefully." I assured him. I almost laughed to JT's comparison of him to a carrier pigeon passing notes but I paid attention to someone coming.

"What note? You already wrote her back?" JT asked in disappointment. Catherine came over about the note I left her at the apartment. Earlier today, I went to check on her however she was working on a hit and run case. I think the woman they placed in custody was innocent because I saw her around 4PM in 123rd street. The same time the "accident" occurred. I just thought Catherine should know. I was trying to help in any way that I can.

"Okay. We're all gonna die. I'm taking a tums." This is what JT was afraid of. Recruiting another life to join us as we live in fear and in danger. But after what happened these past two weeks where Catherine almost got killed by Muirfield, I need to protect her under my wings. Especially now that she knows I exist. I don't want her to share the same fate as her mother's.

* * *

I thought I made myself clear when I told her today that 'I'm not Batman. I don't watch over the citizens of New York.' I cannot help her with her case then why is she here again tonight?

Catherine needed my help. She found two sisters of their suspect and one of them was sick. Bringing them to the hospital was not a good idea since they were in hiding, too. Just like me. So, she asked for my help considering no one can see us. Wise move, Catherine.

We drove to the place and I found the sick little girl in bed. I took her temperature and it was 103 F which is very dangerous for her age. She was only around 6 or 7 years old. So, I called JT to get medications at the university lab especially a Nebulizer for her breathing and Cephalexin good for 10 days. Oh… Catherine was piss when she saw me with a phone and never knew about it. That was a burner phone!

* * *

We had a fight. Catherine and I. Not because of the burner phone. Well, it was part of it. She was suspended today from work because this was not supposed to be her case. But look at what she was doing. She doesn't have a gun nor a badge, not even a warrant. Still, she went to the club to investigate. I cannot leave her on her own unarmed. So, I followed her. And when she left, I attacked the owner of the club. I heard him talking to someone about the girls and I think they did the crime. Catherine got mad because I got him unconscious.

This is why I don't get involve. I don't have a book or a protocol to follow. I help when ever I can so forgive me if she thinks I messed up the case.

I went back to the girls and brought them to JT. I read the other guy's message to the owner 'cleaning things up.' What does that mean? Are they going to kill the girls?

He was surprise when he didn't find the girls in the basement. I covered his head with a cloth and tied him up on the chair. I immediately called Catherine. Fortunately, cops were already in the building and I need to get out fast. How? I beasted out in panic to get out but Catherine saved me from being seen by the guy. They resolved the case. Though we messed up but we were able to figure things out.

* * *

I left her a note to meet me at the fire escape. Catherine somehow understood my way of helping. We just need to communicate. I gave her the number of my burner phone. However, it was only good for three days. It's been years since I help people being a doctor. So, it felt good that I am helping again in a different course.

* * *

**I'm not sure. I don't think this is good chapter. I hope you'll still read it though. Lemme know what I missed. Thank you always. :)))**


	11. Chapter 11

Good and bad things happened today.

Good because I helped a kid badly beaten on a dumpster. I tried to do CPR but he needed medical assistance ASAP so I took him to the ER. He was in a coma but I heard he was okay and better.

Bad because…

You know, I never expected that Catherine and I will be on… where we are now. I can say that I was contented in checking on her without knowing that I do or that I exist. But I don't want to be a hypocrite. A part of me was more than happy to not just see her from afar but also to have a conversation with her, to ask 'Hi. How are you?' or even have an argument with her.

Bad because…

I feared for my life. For JT's and I hate myself for putting Catherine on the same boat. No matter how I take all the precautions to make sure she is safe, how I tried my best to protect her, I still failed. Catherine is now on Muirfield's target list. How did they know her connections with me? Oh. The subway incident. I asked because she was taken by them. Questioned her about me. Brainwashed her about who I am and what worst I can do. I was really scared on what they had done to her. Catherine had not mentioned the details. They let her go. But still, I have to do something to prevent this from happening again. I don't want to leave her at that moment but she thought it would be the best.

I did left but I settled on my favorite spot across her apartment. I can hear her heart beat so fast. I know she was not okay and scared, too. She was restless walking to and fro her room, sat down for a while and checked her phone from time to time. _Forgive me for putting you through this. I have protected you for 9 years. I won't let Muirfield intervene to that._ She made sure the window pane was close and locked. Lights out. I need to do something.

* * *

JT may be right. Not typical Muirfield to keep Catherine alive when she knew my existence. They could have killed her in cold blood. But Catherine also have a point. If they track her, they can find me. Something is wrong.

My instincts had always been right. There was something wrong indeed. Catherine was not scared of Muirfield. She was afraid of me. This is what I'm talking about. She thinks I belong in a cage.

I am willing to give up my life if it only means she will be safe again. I need to disappear. I need an undo button. This will never be a right decision but nonetheless I have to leave a proof that I existed. Three test tubes of my blood would be enough.

* * *

I inhaled deeply the cool night breeze as I gather my thoughts on the rooftop. I couldn't do this anymore. I need a plan. If ever they touch her again… I clenched my hand. I don't know. I cannot imagine it. Take my life, too.

Her window was locked. I couldn't get in. I tried Heather's window. Good chance. Heather was not home. I used her window to get in. I slowly opened Catherine's door. She was sound asleep. She must have been tired of work and me. She was lying on her side facing the window. Oh… her scent. I found the card Muirfield gave to her on the night stand. I put it in my jacket as I watched her sleep. She is so beautiful even when sleeping. Then I thought of my purpose why I was there, why I took the card.

I had Catherine for 9 years. Even just in shadows, I took care of her in my own way. This friendship that we have… I couldn't ask for more. It made me feel that I am normal again. There will always be but's though. Is this what life can bring to me? I want to protect Catherine as long as I can. So, I have to do this.

* * *

**Thank you everyone for the reviews. I really love reading it. have some on this one? :))) Thank you!**


	12. Chapter 12

They helped me cleaned up my mess this afternoon. JT and Catherine did. I thought my plan was so great. Turned myself in, JT and Catherine will no longer be a collateral damage, Muirfield forget Catherine existed. Two of I consider my family will be safe. Sounds like a plan, right?

I was brought up with much love and respect. I save lives in my previous lifetime. Killing was never in my blood but I will if that's what it take to protect my loved ones.

I don't know if I'd be happy of what Catherine and JT did or not. I understand that was not a beautiful goodbye but I had a great plan, I think.

I… we killed them. All of them who tried to kill JT and Catherine. But it doesn't end here. Muirfield doesn't know about Catherine was beyond belief. They will continue to come after us. For now, the three of us are okay.

What did JT said after the event? Of course he was mad. Terribly mad. That decision was really awful. I was selfish. Leaving him just like that. That was awful of me. And Catherine… she was very brave to be there, to defend me, to protect me which was somehow the opposite from the last time we saw each other.

I watched a softball game tonight. Catherine looked cute on that uniform and headgear and a bat. They won, actually. After 5 years, NYPD finally won a game. Oh! She had a nice home run. Haha. She was awesome.

* * *

After almost a decade, I was on the newspaper again. Front page.

I cannot sleep last night. I kept tossing and turning. Rooftop was not an option to get some air. Unwillingly, JT walked with me on my night stroll. That was the reason I was on front page today. Not because JT went with me but because there was this guy who held up a grocery store. What was I supposed to do? Let the guy shoot the clerk? I don't think I killed him. I just tossed him to one of those coolers and left him unconscious and some shattered glasses. But both of them were in panic. Nobody can recognized me on that jacket and a baseball cap.

* * *

I finally had a chance to have a date with Catherine. Well, almost. It could have been special since it was her birthday. I was always there anyway every year. The difference this year is that… I can be with her. She can be with me. Only to realized that Catherine cannot have one foot on both worlds. Her world and mine. I don't want her to lie to her family and friends because of me. I want her to live her life. To be with a normal guy that can show up to her birthday party. Yes. I pushed her away.

What made me do it? Okay. JT and I had a talk. You see, JT was trying to ask someone out and cannot even invite her at home. JT's point was that, if we actually care about someone, we cannot let them give up their world to live like this in ours. Point taken.

Her birthday this year was no different at all. To me, that is. I was there just like every year but still in shadows. Although this year, I bought her a present and she will know it was from me.

I know there was a party on her apartment. I just want her to open my present before the day ends so I dropped by and left it on the window sill.

I never felt this for years. I don't have the right to be. But it bothered me. The feeling of… jealousy. Is that even what this is?

I saw him kissed a guy. That ass… A birthday kiss, huh. Did I pushed Catherine away that far that she threw away what we have just like that? Or does she even know what we have? Or do we even have any? I was too exhausted to comprehend all these thoughts in one day. Home was what I needed.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. Goodnight or Good morning. :)))**


	13. Chapter 13

Life is so unfair. That moment when Catherine and I had patch things up and even invited me for a dinner at her apartment. I was so excited that I left early to buy her flowers. However, I was not able to come over because I woke up in Brooklyn Bridge! How the hell did I get there? Oh no. I hope she won't think I stood her up.

I had frequent headaches and losing visions. First time it happened was after I went home from Catherine's party. I remembered I was talking to JT about Catherine kissing a guy on her birthday party. Then I kinda lost my balance and some blurred visions then it went away. I just thought I was too tired and needed to rest.

When I woke up, I felt nothing different but it still worries me what had happened. Who wouldn't if you woke up in Brooklyn Bridge? JT was nowhere to be found for me to consult with. So, I looked for the sphygmometer to check my blood pressure. Where did JT kept it? It should be here somewhere. I finally found it on the bottommost part of the drawer. I placed the cuff around my left upper arm, inflated the cuff and released the pressure. I did not see anything alarming from the results. My blood pressure is fine. What's wrong with me then?

* * *

I was too busy checking my condition that I had not noticed Catherine was there. I startled when she called my name and gave me a worried face when she saw the device wrapped around my arm.

I somehow gave her a cold treatment. I was not sure why. Maybe because my attention was to figure out what was wrong with me? Or maybe because the last time I saw her was she was kissing that guy? I don't know. Is that even connected? I assured her I was fine though. I apologized for not making it for dinner.

She thanked me for the present I left on her window sill. Funny thing was… she had this look of guilt as she explained the "incident" at her party. That the kiss was nothing and just a result of alcohol. I don't want to make a big deal out of it so I told her that she can kiss anyone she likes and she doesn't owe me an explanation. I am not her boyfriend, anyway. So…

Was that a right move? Or am I the one who owes her an explanation? If there is something between us... if we are… if we have... Okay. Status: It's Complicated. Does she feel the same way? Wait. What am I feeling anyway? Uh-oh. The last and only person I am going to talk about this is with JT. Where is he?

Honestly, I felt guilty on the way I showed my emotions to Catherine. I didn't know how to act on the situation. I don't know how to do this. I cannot even identify what this is.

* * *

Oh, come on. That guy again?

I went to see Catherine to explain my actions this morning. I was not sure how or what will I say but I needed to tell her whatever comes out my mouth. I didn't find her at the precinct so I listened to the sounds of police cars. They might be on a case somewhere.

I found Catherine leaving an art gallery near Soho. A familiar face followed her from behind. Is that the guy from her party? He was walking her towards the car. I heard them talking about who kissed first and who kissed back. I wished I did not hear that.

Why not let her in the car and leave? Why did he had to hang around the car door and leaned and teased Catherine for another kiss? And this Catherine Chandler... was expecting him to kiss her! Okay. I needed to calm down myself. I left the scene when I felt my eyes turned amber.

* * *

I had written the results on this notebook from the self test I did for like an hour or two but the figures doesn't make any sense. I need JT to interpret these details. However, he also cannot find a relative explanation. Therefore, he blamed Catherine. The term he used was "I fugue out", that my memory loss started when I saw Catherine kissed some guy. Long story short, JT wanted to conclude that I was jealous. Where in medical history that jealousy can cause memory loss?

I can consult about anything to JT besides my personal interests. Especially about Catherine Chandler. He hated me for getting involved with a cop. Involved. Is that even the right term?

But I guess JT knew better how I feel more than I do. Maybe I am in denial. Maybe I misinterpreted our connection. Maybe I am scared or worse… Maybe I am afraid to fall in love with her.

* * *

**To medwards245, bonesbemmettlover, Anne Sullivan and bookworm0612 and others...  
**

**Thank you, thank you, thank you! :)))**


	14. Chapter 14

I felt the green-eyed or shall I say amber-eyed monster taking over me.

I have watched over Catherine Chandler for the last decade. I have seen her fall in and out of a relationship several times. I admit it annoys me when she is dating someone but this time... I don't know. It feels different. It feels like... it's more serious. Maybe because I had finally introduced myself and that she should spend more time with me? That sounds selfish. It doesn't mean I saved her, I owned her, right? Or maybe I do. Maybe I want Catherine to be mine. Nah. I don't think that's right.

I isolated myself on the rooftop at home to think things over before seeing Catherine. How will I… What will I say to her? Oh, man. I feel like I am a teenager in love. The memory of seeing her kissing someone else gave me furrowed brows. How can I compete with him? He is the normal, decent guy. I live in the dark shadows. Oh, hey! I'm a doctor, too! Well… I was.

The night sky full of stars was lovely tonight. I hope this day will end as lovely as it is.

* * *

I waited for the perfect timing to make my presence known. She sounded busy talking to her partner over the phone. Does she have a date? She looked pretty on that dress.

I guess I deserved this. I pushed her away first. Tonight was her turn to brush me away. I told her I was not feeling good. That was the truth, right? I did not make it for dinner because I was sick. But then… I also told her she can kiss anyone… that we are not… and for the second time, I did not stood her up!

Where does her sarcasm and bitterness came from? She really sounded very disappointed. Of me. Does she feel the same way then? She mentioned about our connection like it was fate and destiny that brought us back together but found "US" complicated. If this is fate and destiny then why did she kissed that guy? Alcohol? Come on! Can I bring this up? But then there was a knock on the door. Damn it.

* * *

I know now his name. Evan.

"I thought you're on a case tonight? But you have a date with him?" I sounded upset. I hoped she realized that.

"Excuse me?!" She was shocked by my interrogation as did I.

"I mean… I…"

"If you'll excuse me, it's just my date."

And she confirmed. I left before she had the chance to see me leave.

* * *

This Evan guy was already up to his limits.

I did left her apartment but stayed on the fire escape to check on them. What if there will be another kiss? Can I storm in and stop them? I wonder how both of them will react, especially Catherine. I'm sure she will kick my ass. Haha. The idea made me grin.

Kidding aside, I was marveling on what I was trying to say to her minutes ago. I defended myself for not coming to dinner but I never said anything about what I feel for her. In fact, she said something about our connection. Is that where her sarcasm and bitterness came from? Then this Evan guy ruined the night.

He was going with her. Working and dating in one. Smart ass.

Seeing them again together... Working. Dating. Whatever they want to call it. I should do something.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. Have a good weekend. :)))**


	15. Chapter 15

Good to know that JT was making progress on her relationship with Sarah. He was kinda sorry though for not telling me about his date with her today. I don't mind as long as he will stop bugging me about telling Catherine what I feel for her nor using this case just to be with her because even I don't know what to do about it.

Coffee or tea, huh? Sweet! Ours are cases and investigation and… that's all, thank you… Did I say ours? I didn't mean that as if Catherine and I are dating that way. Not even. Ugh. I sounded bitter.

I read the paper today. A painter was killed at the art gallery where Catherine was early this morning. I had read he was from Astoria. My old neighborhood. I should do something, right? Stick to cases, right? That's what we are, right? Wow. I was infected by Catherine's sarcasms.

* * *

She saw me waiting for her from above.

What is he doing leaning on to Catherine? Is he whispering sweet nothings to her? I don't even want to say his name. I gave them a hard look. I was sure she saw me with that. I hoped she understood that I disliked it.

I came to tell Catherine about the dead painter's studio I found at the top floor of his mother's agency. She said stick to cases, right? How many times do I have to remind myself of that? That's why I was there doing what I was supposed to do.

* * *

I showed Catherine the paintings I found at the studio. Those paintings meant everything to the man and the woman he loved. I am not an expert to this position but I knew this man loved the woman. Think about it. Why would he spend every waking moment painting her? If she was just one of his women, why waste time with the same person almost every day? If he did not love her, why keep all those paintings of her to a place more secure and special? …_Why will I spend 9 years watching over you if I don't feel anything special for you?_

I was unsure because… Catherine and I lived in two different worlds. I have no place in her world, she has none in mine. She has to give up everything to be with me. I don't want that. She has a beautiful life ahead of her. I don't want to be selfish that's why I have pushed her away. To protect her from danger and not to break her heart. Our connection endangers everything.

The woman on the paintings and I may be on the same track. We were in doubt of the relationship because we don't feel worthy of their love. I don't feel worthy of the risks that Catherine is taking every day to protect me, to be there for me, to spend time with me, be it on the fire escape or rooftop… I want her to have a normal life. She cannot have that with me. I just want to see her happy.

* * *

I think I did a good job last night.

Catherine was here today. It was one of the best conversations we had. She may have understood what I was trying to imply last night. She did not say it directly though but she made me feel important and loved and worthy. I cannot promise her anything yet. All I can promise is that I want Catherine in my life and I'll do anything to keep her there.

* * *

I almost concluded that this day would end as wonderful as it started.

I saw her again. The college student from St John's University who I helped for directions almost a month ago. I was on my way to Catherine when I saw the girl went out from an apartment building carrying two more boxes. Do women really have lots of stuff? I remembered when JT and I moved in to the warehouse. It only took us days. Maybe we don't have much stuff. I only have one duffel bag.

* * *

I was not able to say hello or goodbye to her.

It was not that late. Maybe around five or six in the afternoon so there was still a bit of light. I noticed a man following her from behind so I crossed the street and followed them. The man was wearing baggy pants and a hooded jacket and rubber shoes. He looked like a typical guy but I still checked on them. When the girl reached the corner of the street and passed by an alley, that man suddenly pushed and pinned her body to the wall. The two boxes she was carrying all scattered on the ground. I counted to ten before attacking. She willingly gave her bag to him. I heard fear on her cries, begging not to hurt her and just to take her bag. I thought it was just robbery but he started to unzip his pants. I stopped counting. I grabbed the man on his neck and throw him as far as I could. I heard myself growled. Oh, no. I beasted out. I don't know if she recognized my cap and jacket with my back facing her. All I said was, "Run."

* * *

**Please leave something for me to read? :) Thank you and sweet dreams. :)))**


	16. Chapter 16

I blacked out again.

What the hell happened? I woke up in a dark alley with blood on my hands. I checked my arms and body for any injury. None. I checked the surroundings. Nobody was around. Where am I? Did I kill someone without me knowing? My condition is getting worse and I was scared. I sped up on my way home.

"Run." The word kept echoing in my head. Where did I...? Oh no. The girl. Did I hurt her? Oh no. I stopped and stared at my bloody hands. No. There was a man... Did I kill him? I remembered I shoved him somewhere. That was all. I cannot recall what happened after that. I looked up and found myself at the entrance of the warehouse. Lights were still out. I saw the sun about to rise on the background. Where have I been?

* * *

It looked like a murder scene.

I had been in the shower for an hour washing the blood all over my body. I thought it was just fatigue or stress that caused my black outs. I almost lost someone special because of this unexplainable phenomenon I am into. But someone I could have killed without any memory of it? That's different. This is a fatal situation.

JT had a diarrhea look on his face as he watched me then back to my clothes and shoes laying on the floor with blood on it then back to me again. He did that for like five times.

"What the hell happened?" I asked myself that too, JT.

* * *

I messed up the warehouse. Turned tables and chairs scattered on the floor. I could have realigned JT's vertebrae for throwing him to the concrete wall. Yes, I beasted out even when I was with JT while performing series of test. Okay. I only have one symptom before going to my terminator trance. I will feel light-headed then that's it. No memory.

Nobody is safe. Not even JT. I promised him that I will not leave the warehouse until we find the trigger. So, the camping trip that Catherine and I planned this weekend is most likely not going to happen. Not on my condition.

JT got this briefcase of tranqs that brought me back to myself. This was JT's hypothesis. When I am on my terminator episode, my frontal lobe is repressed. Our frontal lobe modifies or control our emotions. So when mine is repressed, I lose control plus association with amnesia since I cannot recall anything.

So, did Catherine trigger my terminator episode earlier? Because she was here. JT did not let her in, of course. Worst is, Catherine was investigating a case of a murdered frat student in Northam University around after midnight. I passed by the same site and at the same time before I went out of control. That means... Is it possible? Oh no. I should see Catherine.

* * *

JT ate his words. I don't want to keep another secret to Catherine especially with my condition but JT thought otherwise. However, with my possible involvement on the case she was investigating, we don't have a choice but to tell her. The killer they are after might be me.

Catherine was amazing. She had always believed of my good heart. That no matter what state I am into, I still know the difference between right and wrong, good or bad. I hope my relationship with her will continue as beautiful as it is now. I will always have her back. I trust Catherine with my life.

We finally confirmed that I had nothing to do with the murder of the frat student. However, JT's question made us think on our own for a while.

"If that wasn't your blood, then whose was it?"

* * *

I don't know how to tell them about this. It matters now, right?

I looked at JT first. Oh... he would be pissed for not telling him. Then I looked at Catherine. How will she react to this?

Before I could say anything, JT interrupted. "Spit it out, V."

My eyes were on Catherine who was waiting for what I was about to say. "Vincent, what is it?"

"Okay... I helped a girl yesterday from being mugged, raped by some guy. The last thing I remembered was I threw the guy somewhere and told the girl to run. When I woke up, there was blood all over me. It might be his blood but I didn't remember I killed him nor hurt the girl. I mean, she was my friend and..."

"The girl?!" JT repeated with emphasis.

My eyes were still on Catherine. "Uh... yes. I met her almost a month ago and..."

"A month already?! And you had not mentioned her to me? Is she your secret girlfriend or something?!"

My eyes were now on him. "No, she's not, JT. Okay. I just helped her how to get to St. John's University. I gave her directions. That's all. Then we bumped to each other again when..."

"Oh! Again?! What a coincidence!" Sarcastic JT in the house.

Catherine finally broke her silence. "Does she have a name? Where does she live?"

"Uh-oh. Jealous girlfriend here." JT pointed his finger to Catherine. "You're not going to track her, are you?"

"No, JT. I would just like to check if there was any report about what happened last night."

"I didn't get her name and I don't know her new address."

"Good." JT and Catherine said in unison.

"I'll work on that after this case." She said and left.

I did not a say a word.

* * *

I miss her. I miss Catherine. I had not seen her or visited her after I saved Evan. I don't even know if I want to see her. I am uncontrollable that's why I am here in this cage.

You know, I could have save Evan without killing anyone. Why didn't Catherine shoot me with the tranq that JT provided? That was the purpose of it, right? I could have just knocked him out or tied him or something. They could have sentenced that intern according to the law and bloodshed was prevented. And as for me, nobody was added to the list of people I killed.

I don't get it. I know Catherine wanted to save Evan from his psycho intern. I do, too even if I don't like him. But then again, I can save anyone even when I am on the other side of me. A beast. I know what I am doing when I am on that state. I am just out of control. But when I feel light-headed and passes out, then I am a beast without control and no memory. Not good at all.

I cannot blame JT being disappointed of Catherine. I was disappointed, too. Is it because she cannot manage to shoot me and hurt me? But it was for the best.

I could see Catherine and I having what I called "one of the best conversation we had" from where I am in this cage. I was sitting on the window sill and she was standing with her arms crossed leaning on to her left side. Why one of the best conversation? I don't know. It was just... perfect.

Can I say it was perfect because the person I have always wanted was looking forward for the next moment we see each other? It was perfect because I am the best thing in her life now. And when I feel everything is impossible because of who I am, it was not for her. **_Who you are... it makes everything worth it. _**That was the best thing that Catherine said to me.

* * *

I love her. I love Catherine. I thought everything was falling into place. But now that she is the reason of my black outs... I am not sure where our story continues.

* * *

**Thank you for reading. Mornight! :))**


	17. Chapter 17

What does Catherine had to do with my black outs?

I remembered JT's hypothesis about my repressed frontal lobe. So, when I knew or felt that Catherine was on her way to the warehouse, I beasted out. Why? Is it because her presence made me feel excited and happy? And since frontal lobes controls emotions and mine is repressed then I lost control? That made sense. I badly needed a cure for this then. Catherine and I were just starting. I mean, I gathered. I will not let this condition of mine a hindrance to what we have now.

I miss hanging out with her on the fire escape or on the rooftop. I also miss following her when she is at work and to make sure she is safe. I miss Catherine. I hope JT and I will find something today.

* * *

My Catherine-Allergic-Ass.

JT had a crazy suggestion. Since Catherine is the reason of my black outs, why don't we let her come over? If she triggers this, can she be the cure, too? I am not sure about that though. On the other hand, JT was right. She had seen the beast in me and she is still around with us. JT was even ranting about his phone bill soaring high because Catherine checks on me from time to time. The thought made me smile. But what if she can no longer put up with this, of my situation and give me up? I trust Catherine. She is not going anywhere. But who knows?

* * *

Everything makes sense now.

We yearn so much to find the reasons of these black outs but what we found today was beyond our expectations.

So, we tried this sedative called Lorazepam – sedation for aggressive patients. This drug might have triggered a part of my brain because it made me remember what happened in Afghanistan. What they injected us made us feel stronger and were ready for action. Just what they needed for super soldiers. And then I saw her, the doctor who handled the operation. It was Dr. Vanessa Chandler. Catherine Chandler's mother.

Seeing Dr. Chandler's face brought me back to present. Two things that JT and I were now worried. These effects… the black outs… Why just now? And Catherine's mother? Oh no. This is not any good news for her. I don't want to add anymore burden to Catherine. But I know. We have to tell her.

* * *

She knew all along.

JT was upset. I was, too but I cannot be mad at Catherine. I even stopped JT from screaming at her for not telling us that she was told by Muirfield about her mother's involvement. It was an honest mistake, I think. Muirfield might just use the idea for Catherine to give me up. I am still protecting Catherine even if she is at mistake, huh? I know it's obvious. I love her.

This is what I was talking about. Blaming her mother for what they did to us. Her mother may be a part of the operation but she was a good doctor. She was trying her best to fix the side effects. Fatigue, impaired sensory awareness, memory loss… Our DNA was responding differently. She didn't know when or why these side effects will show up. She had clean intentions why she joined the project, to protect her daughters. Just any parent would.

Knowing that Catherine was not the reason of my black outs, we don't have to stay away from each other anymore. That made me breathe easily again.

* * *

I feel useless.

What did I do the whole day? Nothing. Catherine and JT were doing the job for me. I caged myself to make sure I won't harm anybody or destroy properties. I just sat on the floor and thought of… I just wish maybe for once Catherine could not be a cop and I cannot be… what I am now. I wish for a normal life where we can go out for a dinner or a movie. I wish I can meet her sister or her dad. I wish I can be friends with her partner and co-workers. Well, I am not sure with the Evan guy but… Can I do more than a wish?

* * *

What power does Catherine possessed? She is the only person that can calm me down even if I was in my terminator trance. Her voice. Her touch.

Yep. Another episode for me. One consolation though. I know now how got my scar.

Our Colonel did this to me. Everybody was in panic. I was looking for Dr. Chandler. I don't know why. Maybe to understand the blood on my hands and what was going on. I saw the Colonel and Dr. Chandler had an argument and he was about to shoot the good doctor. He even called us animals. So I did what an animal should do to him but he left me this scar. I may be an animal but I know what is right from wrong.

* * *

I hurt JT again. Last time, I tossed him and hurt his back from a concrete wall. Tonight, nothing serious but he wounded his hand by some shattered beakers or scraps of metal. He didn't remember how he got it. If I can do this to him, I can do this to anyone. It ends now or I end.

* * *

Yes, the serum worked. The formula we found on Dr. Chandler's notes was effective. Thanks to JT for studying and analyzing the numbers and equations and to Catherine for taking the risks to know who her mother really was. Yes, no more black outs. It doesn't change what I am though. No serum for that.

* * *

After all of these, I think it was time to ease up on the past. Enough of guilt. Vanessa Chandler had no idea what she was getting into. She took care of us very well. She was just put into a dark corner.

I know Catherine and I have known each other for just a short time but we already build a strong bond. So, when she said, she will make this right, I know she will. Because that is what Catherine is, just like her mother, to protect people they love.

**_But if I had, I would make the same choice again if it meant I can be in your life._** I recalled what I said to her earlier as I watched Catherine drifted to dreamland. She had a very long day. **_Dream of me, my love._**

* * *

**Goodnight indeed. :))) Thank you for reading! 3**


	18. Chapter 18

I woke up with a big smile on my face.

I have never been this happy in my life. Although, it was not a walk in the park these past few months with Catherine and there were several ups and downs. But these made us stronger and with that we earned our trust for each other.

It was just 7AM. She might still be in bed. I would like to wake her up myself.

* * *

The window was open. Was she expecting me?

I peeked through the window and I chuckled when I saw her sleeping face. So cute. I didn't want to disturb her so I stayed outside and sat on the window sill with my back on her. The warmth of the sun on my skin felt so good. It made me feel like I am alive. I sensed she was awake and I looked back. She looked at me with one eye open and gave me her beautiful smile after adjusting her view. "Vincent."

I smiled as I heard her say my name. "Good morning."

"Hey… why are you up so early?"

"It's a good day. I don't want to miss it."

She smiled. "By the way, I forgot to mention about the girl that you saved from being mugged? SJU, right? I traced reports for the last two weeks but no filed cases from the crime scene or from the university." I continued to listen. "The perp… if he was alive and just had some bruises, he could have gone to the hospital or treat it himself. He doesn't have the right to file a case, anyway. A co-worker checked the scene and no signs of someone died or any stains of blood. So, I guess we will just let it go?"

I nodded. I didn't know what to say. I am so grateful to have her protecting me.

"About the girl…" Uh-oh. Where is this going? I gave her a blank stare. She looked down and stared at her hands. "Was she… what…" I was waiting for her to finish her sentence. "Nah… nevermind."

"Catherine, what is it?"

"No… twas nothing. Forget it."

"Wait... Are you being jealous?" I grinned.

Her eyes widened. "Of course, not! No. Never."

"Never?" I teased.

"Oh! Time to take a shower. I don't wanna be late for work." Catherine stood up and grabbed her robe and towel.

Nice try, Catherine. "Really? Okay. Can I wait here?"

"No. It's okay. You don't have to."

"Okay. Have a good day at work." I walked toward the window for my exit.

"You do the same." She smiled and closed her bathroom door.

* * *

The conversation Catherine and I had earlier was kinda amusing. I don't know why. I could not explain it. Maybe because it had been years since I had this feeling. What feeling, anyway? Aahhh! I don't want to say the word.

I thought of Alex. I don't want to be unfair to her. I won't deny that I was happy during our time. Unfortunately, fate had been cruel to us. Things have changed. A lot. Cliché but everything happens for a reason, right?

The day went by so fast. I didn't want to discuss what I did today. Twas boring anyway. To see Catherine again before the day ends would be wonderful.

* * *

Call me Vincent Zalanski.

I stayed on my favorite spot of Catherine's apartment while waiting for her and Heather to finish their discussion about their dress and their father's wedding. I giggled a couple of times while listening to their conversation. I know they are excited for this event. And what is "Bridesmaid and up" even mean?

Actually, I met an incident on my way to Catherine's. I passed by 621 23rd street and I noticed a man having trouble opening his door. He was nervous and his heart was racing then his briefcase caught my attention. I think that was where the smell was coming from. An awful smell of blood. I don't think he was injured though. He didn't look like he was in pain.

That was another reason I came but I totally forgot about it when I saw Catherine came in her room and she was on her red dress for the wedding. It was a very festive look and I enjoyed watching her on it.

It was not a bad idea, was it?

That was how I got the name. I did not expect Catherine to even think that I could go with her to the wedding. I liked the idea, actually. But there were things that we need to consider such as my name. So, we made fun out of it and thought of her kindergarten crush that lives in Denver, Vincent Zalanski.

We made some good laughs then I remembered the incident that I need to report to my cop. I swear I am not using these cases just to be with her.

* * *

I had trouble sleeping again. I kept thinking of what Catherine said tonight. **_"Wish you could go with me..."_** I could, right? I mean... It's possible. I need to talk to JT.

Bribing JT Forbes was never a good plan.

I spoke with JT today. I wanted to show him that I am okay or better. I am not saying I'm cured, no. The serum only cured the blackouts, not my DNA. I just thought I have more control now. I just wanted to go to the wedding where I was invited. Stun gun and his prom date as a bait didn't work. Oh, man!

I spent the rest of the day moping around the house. JT ignored me, of course. He thought my new life had landed me to lalaland. It's just a wedding for God's sake! Maybe, I'll ask Catherine if I could go. She invited me anyway.

* * *

Catherine didn't want me to go either!

Heather even considered I'm her sister's boyfriend. Vincent Zalanski, that is. I heard them talking while I was waiting for Catherine in her room. Wait... Does it mean she told her about me?

It was a dumb reflex, she said. Catherine hosted a bridal thingy breakfast at her place this morning. If I understand the gathering correctly, the bride was also present and maybe others? So, it was not just Heather who knew about Vincent Zalanski then.

"So, how did it go? Your breakfast thingy?"

"Oh… it was crazy. **_It was the way they looked at me like they felt sorry for me or something is wrong with me because I don't have someone to take."_**

"**_Sounds like I'm going to a wedding_** then."

She didn't like what she heard. "Look, **_maybe I could go with you. Everyone thinks I'm going anyway."_**

I tried many times to force the issue of me going with her to the wedding. She was actually prepping for the rehearsal dinner tonight. She tried to change the topic about the case I gave her but I am not kidding. I really wanted to go. I know she wanted to protect me. I always believed in that. I understood her concern about meeting bunch of people and her family especially the groom. Just like what I said, **_"I can handle being Vincent Zalanski. Forever."_**

But, naah… my charm didn't work this time.

* * *

I was very disappointed that I didn't go home. I wanted to try again. So, I waited for Catherine to come home from dinner. She was surprise to see me sitting on her fire escape even after three hours.

"Why are you still here? And why didn't you come in? I left the window open."

I didn't answer. I had my head down staring at my hands.

"Vincent, what's wrong?"

I looked up. "I just wanted to go to the wedding." I said with my puppy eyes.

I can't believe that Catherine just laughed at me! She tried to say something but she can't say it because she cannot stop from laughing.

"Catherine, I'm serious."

"I'm sorry… Oh, God... your face… if only you could see it." Please stop laughing.

She finally did. "Okay **_but you'll gonna risk all that because I don't want to go to the wedding alone_**?"

**_"It doesn't feel like a risk."_**

"Vincent, **_thank you but I cannot let you do this for me_**."

My charm is really not working. I failed again.

* * *

**Bold and Italics are lines from the CW series Beauty and the Beast.**

**Thank you for reading! :)))**


	19. Chapter 19

I don't feel well.

Maybe I woke up at the wrong side of the bed because I was grumpy today. I didn't eat breakfast with JT. I just stayed in bed. I heard him called me a couple of times but I pretended to sleep. The event this weekend is really a big deal for me, huh? It affected me that much since I was not allowed to go. Oh, well.

I finally got out of bed and scavenged for food. Seems like I had the place to myself. I need distractions.

I got several. Dishes, laundry, cleaning… Seemed like I'm JT's wife. He was the one working and earning money while I stayed home and do household chores.

_The wedding. Today._ Tsk. More distractions, please.

Push/pull ups, punching bag and skipping rope for the next two hours didn't help. I got bored and decided to check the crime scene of the case I gave to Catherine. I had to make myself useful.

* * *

Catherine was right. The powerful couple had some monkey business. And with the red particle I found in the hotel room which according to Catherine was a red polish, we were able to identify who killed Mendel. That woman even found a date for Catherine and called her while I was eyeing the dating form in her bag. Good news is… Catherine said no to the date. Yesss! That felt better.

That made me thought of someone who could go with Catherine to the wedding. Not me, unfortunately. I didn't want to force myself anymore and get frustrated again. Someone for Catherine that have no strings, no risks. Dun duh duh dun… JT Forbes! Good idea, isn't it? Both have no choice. She needed to bring someone. He said yes because of the good food.

* * *

I walked Catherine to her car. Honestly, I wanted to spend more time with her tonight. Tomorrow is the big day. A busy day for her and her family. I'm sure she doesn't have time for me. They don't want me to come, remember? I didn't want her to stay up late so I stayed home.

When she got in the car, I knocked on the window on the passenger side. The window rolled down and I leaned my head into the car.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come to the wedding?" I asked for the last time.

"Vincent, I'm fine going alone to dad's wedding and besides you already given me a date. I'll see you after?" Catherine promised.

"Okay." I said wryly. "Is that a car headlight coming?" She looked to her left and I took the dating form in her bag. "Oh. It might be something else."

Catherine chuckled. "You are seeing things. Stay out of trouble!" And she drove off.

I looked forward to her promise.

* * *

I am a doctor. Well, I was a doctor. I don't drink. Not anymore. I do a lot of work out, hell yes.

I was reading Catherine's dating profile and somehow her preferences refer to me. I might have misunderstood what was written but… Strike one.

**_Personality traits I'm looking for in a partner: Strong, Vulnerable, Intelligent, Heroic. This is really sappy, so I can't believe I'm saying this: Eventhough I don't need anyone to protect me, I appreciate a guy who cares enough about me to try._**

Hmmm. That is what I do, right? This is what I had done since the night I saved her. Protecting her. Also, she once told me I was a superhero. That makes me heroic then? I am strong, no doubt about it. Vulnerable, definitely. Intelligent? Yeah, just made some bad decisions. Strike two.

I was too overwhelmed from the beautiful things I was reading that I had not notice JT being worried about going to the wedding with no idea of ER medicine and the fake Denver life of Vincent Zalinski.

**_Her ideal date is dinner on a rooftop and hanging out on the fire escape._** Strike three. **_This is about me. _**And oh! She'd be happy to do the cooking. Nice. The fire escape had been our favorite spot. And according to her profile, these are familiar to me: **_Talking about how our day went… Looking out the city together…_**

The last question was unforgettable. Her ideal partner. She **_admired good-hearted people who might've made perhaps questionable choices in the past, but only because they were convinced it was the right thing to do._** I said that about me earlier, right?

And her last entry was: **_I think I'm looking for somebody who wants to try and save the world with me. _****_We might not be able to bring down the bad guys in one day but I'd like to think that maybe, together, _****_we could accomplish more than we would apart._**

"JT, what would it take for you to allow me to go the wedding?" He stopped arranging his suit and gave me his serious face. "Please, man. I am begging you. Please."

"Are you sure this suit fits you? It might be too big." I jumped from my seat and almost hug JT but he stopped me. "No, no, no. Don't do that."

"The suit is perfect." I had the biggest smile on my face.

* * *

That was the best dance of my life.

Seriously it was. I know I had been to several occasions that require dancing especially during high school and early years of college but this one was special. I mean it was like… a much awaited moment. I had watched Catherine over the years but dancing with her never occurred to mind. That answers why I was dying to go to the wedding, a chance to dance with her. Even just once.

I was so nervous while waiting outside. I think Catherine felt my presence because she looked back with her smiling face. A lovely face telling me… _I'm glad you came_.

I reached out my hand and the moment she put her hand on mine, I want to hold it forever. It was a wonderful moment staring at her green eyes, her hands sliding down my arms, my hands wrapped around her back. I could not take my eyes off her. I wanted to hold her closer, to place my arms around her neck and hug her so tight, and to smell her hair. But I was somehow satisfied where we were. Being there with Catherine… it was already perfect.

* * *

**_"Remember the fact that there was no Vincent Zalanski."_**

I left early. It didn't end well. I don't know. Is she not proud of me? I came because I wanted to be with Catherine on an occasion that was special to her. I was hoping she would introduce me to her dad or her sister or her step mom or to people she didn't confess to. I mean I am willing to be Vincent Zalanski, remember? But, yeah, I guess I came too late that she told everyone I don't exist. I had to admit I felt bad. I'm sure she saw it on my face when she said she did not need to. But, okay, I understand. Just like what she said about the things that we cannot change. I mean it's still me, Vincent, just a different last name and hometown.

I thought the night was doing well. She brought me both steak and chicken but at the same time I sensed how frightened she was and her heart was racing.

It was about what Evan found out of my DNA. It was mutating, he said. Mutating in a way that the animal nucleotides were taking over the human ones. So, I am becoming less human or more like becoming an animal.

I understand the recent changes of my condition made Catherine so scared. Just like she was during my black out episodes. All she wanted for me was to be well and okay. I don't know. There was nothing left to say. We just concluded that the idea of me being there was too much of a risk to both of us. There was no Vincent Zalanski, anyway.

The night was not that perfect after all.

* * *

Everything was my entire fault.

Catherine had called my phone for like three or five times. I didn't answer. Please don't misunderstand me. I felt bad of how the night ended at the wedding. I was expecting that we would have fun but several reasons came up to complicate things further. What happened at the wedding, the things we found out about my condition, I am sure we will find answers sooner or later. I had a lot of thinking going back home and I realized that this night was for Catherine and me, together. I was on my way back to the wedding.

But then… I saw the car tumbled five times with Catherine in it then I heard two gunshots. I was shaken by what I saw and heard. My nerves were shot to pieces. I didn't know what to do. I was too late to save Catherine without her being hurt. I blamed myself for everything that might cause her life. I was responsible because it was me who gave her the case. The woman who intentionally hit the back of the car was convicted of the murder. Then there was the confusion and disagreement of what was going on with me that I had to leave the party.

Maybe if I just paid attention or gave Evan's theory a chance, this would not have happened. As a doctor, I must admit my mutating DNA is a possibility. Maybe if I listened to Catherine and stayed, she would not be lying on the ground with her own blood.

I didn't hear a single heartbeat. Not even mine. The sight of Catherine pinned down to her seat lifeless in a wrecked car was… I don't know. I could not explain what I felt or maybe I felt numb. I took her out of the mangled car by pulling out the car door. I carried and held her close to me. She was so fragile and frozen. I still remember how to do basic rescue but at that moment I was lost. I still could not feel her heart beat.

I saw a car approaching us. I could not let anyone else see me because I was already in my beast form. I laid her on the ground. I touched her face and kissed her head. As much as I wanted to help Catherine, I'm sorry but I had to leave her. Please. Please, save my Catherine.

* * *

******Bold and Italics are lines from the CW series Beauty and the Beast.**

******Thank you as always. Please lemme know your thoughts. :)))**

******Enjoy the rest of the weekend.**


	20. Chapter 20

What I felt was more than petrified.

I was useless again. The same way I felt when I caged myself while waiting for Catherine and JT to find the cure for my black outs. But no room for self-pity at the moment.

I left Catherine lying on the ground in her own blood. She was shot on her right shoulder and her head was bleeding. I still could not hear her breathe. I settled and hid myself behind a tree wishing that someone from the approaching car will help save Catherine.

I was grateful to Evan for it was him. He saved Catherine with a pocket knife and a flask of vodka. I finally heard Catherine gasped for air. Heather did a great job, too. She helped Evan with the procedure, did not panic and called 911 immediately. I listened to myself sighed with relief but not too long, I know. Catherine was still unconscious. I was afraid of complications and the capacity of her body to handle the gun shot.

I was restless and shaking and began to growl a little. Heather must have heard since she looked back to the direction where I was and told Evan about it. He brushed off the idea but I was sure Evan knew someone else was there.

I wanted to help. I really do. But the whole time I was hiding behind the tree, I was on my other form. I could not get back being me. Maybe because I was so scared for Catherine. For myself. I could not lose her. Not ever. I wanted to be with her and ten years is not enough.

* * *

I didn't care.

I entered the hospital just like anybody else. I went straight to the ER. I saw Evan at the visitor's waiting area comforting Heather who was shaking in tears. I was standing at the back and pretended to get coffee. The doctor came out and spoke to Heather and Evan. The bullet was out. Good. Her rib cage was fractured though and needed intense recovery. But more important was that Catherine is safe. We just need to wait for her to gain consciousness. I hope it will be soon.

Catherine was move to a room. Evan and Heather went home. It was already past midnight but I didn't feel like going home yet. I went in and it was dark. There was only a lamp that light up the room. Catherine was sound asleep. She has the EEG machine attached to check her brain activity. Looking at her this way breaks my heart but the Catherine I know for the last decade is tough and strong. I know she will get through this.

Her condition is stable now. A thorn was finally removed from my heart. I could go home and sleep in peace. I'll be seeing you, Catherine.

* * *

Lab coat… check. Rubber gloves… check. Surgical mask… check. Patient's chart… check. Stethoscope… check.

I came in to the hospital as if I am a resident doctor in New York General. Well, I was. I found it funny and strange wearing this costume. The truth is I missed this outfit. Going back to the hospital kinda made me feel uncomfortable. Lots of memories and I somehow envied the doctors and nurses who are fulfilling their jobs helping people while I had to quit to save my own life.

Yes, I will forever be grateful to Evan for saving Catherine but you cannot take jealousy away from me. I am a bit confident that he is just a friend to Catherine. It's just that I don't have the advantages that Evan has. I mean, people around them thought they were dating. What am I to Catherine, anyway? We never talked about it but I remembered she told me at the wedding that she thinks she does have someone in her life. She was referring to me, right?

I was so glad Catherine was conscious and smiling when she saw me came in her room. As much as I wanted to take the credit for saving her life, I would rather give it to Evan. Yes, I participated but it was Evan who did a great job. I almost thought I lost her. At that moment of the accident, all I could do was watch her slipped away. But Catherine was amazing. She still thought I was responsible why she was still alive.

**_"You didn't lose me. I'm right here." _**She said while I was holding her hand.**_ "…and I accept all of what you are. Even though your DNA is changing that doesn't have to change things between us."_** It could have been a start of another one of the best conversations but Evan was on his way up. I would really love to stay to take care of her.

* * *

Why did it have to go wrong when everything was so perfect?

I was curious what the text message was all about. Catherine didn't want me to come back to the hospital. She said it was not safe? Why?

Okay. I had to be honest. I told JT that I saw Alex but I did not spoke to her. Instead, I ran just like ten years ago. I felt guilty actually. I mean, I never got to say goodbye nor reached out when I got back from Afghanistan. Thanks to JT for helping me not to blame myself. I know what I did was for her safety from Muirfield.

Seeing Alex was unexpected that I got scared and ran. Scenarios like such had played in my mind for the last decade but I never thought it would ever happen. And what a coincidence! She was Catherine's nurse.

So, that was what the text message was all about.

Was I wrong for not telling Catherine about Alex? I just didn't think I needed to. Alex was part of my past. It had been over ten years. She must have a new life by now. But Catherine thought otherwise. I saw disappointment in her eyes. I didn't know what to do.

* * *

I am really good in making bad decisions.

I was not sure if confronting Alex was a good move. Why did I? Guilt? Maybe. I faced my fear in seeing Alex with a good intention. Closure. I had to tell her what I did was for her safety. I had seen and knew too much that my enemies wanted me dead. The funeral was to protect her and our family. The basic information I told Alex was for the best. She didn't have to know where I live or what I do. It's not much of a life, anyway.

Another bad decision.

I didn't know what else to say. Catherine as my handler was the first thing came to mind. It sounded off but… I don't know. I just didn't want Alex to know what life I have now. Again, I had a good intention. I wanted Alex to move on with her life… without me.

* * *

Knowing Catherine, and I know JT would agree, anything about me… she wanted to get involved. What I am trying to say is she wanted to protect me and people around me. Catherine had always been there for JT and me and now… Alex. I could not blame Catherine why she had to look Alex up. I knew she was curious about her and because of that we found out about Alex's stalker.

He used to be a patient of Alex and as beautiful and caring as her, who wouldn't fall in love with her? Unfortunately, he turned out to be a crazy con man and started stalking Alex. He broke in to her apartment, hacked her emails… I somehow realized Alex needed me. Guilt again. Not useful at that point.

We meant no harm. We just wanted him caught and imprisoned but it didn't end that way. I killed him. I didn't want to but he was violent and I had to.

I didn't have any plans for reconciliation with Alex. I wanted her to move on, remember? I thought it was clear between us. So, the kiss was nothing. Really. Alex kissed me and Catherine saw it.

* * *

Evan's theory was proven right. I thought it was just my eyes playing on me. JT even thought it was just allergies. It looked like my DNA was indeed mutating. I have now a new manimal ability. Night visions. I was just glad it happened when it did and it was pretty good to save Alex.

* * *

Guilt and not knowing what to do was all over my system.

I think I took Catherine for granted. Why? She was not fully recovered yet. She had a fractured rib cage! But she risked her health and her job to save Alex and me. I was supposed to take good care of Catherine but it was the other way around.

And with Alex showing up… I am not confused. Or am I?

The last thing I would do is to hurt Catherine and when I saw tears in her eyes, I knew I already hurt her. I told you I really don't know what to do. You're right. I am confused. But with Alex earlier, I saved her from a crazy con man. Catherine and I both did. That was all.

I don't understand Catherine. Is this her way of neglecting us? We might have a strange set up or call it abnormal but it doesn't mean what we have is not real. As stubborn as she is and that she always find a reason to everything, Catherine finds our set up as "not good and is complicated". I did not like her idea of Alex showing up would change everything, would change us. I have watched over her for years. I knew her patterns or am I really not an option for her?

Maybe Catherine had a point. **_"But can u look me in the eye and tell me that you don't still have feelings for her?"_** I wanted to be honest and I looked down when she asked me that. **_"She still loves you, Vincent."_** I could not look at her and I felt the tears welled up in my eyes. I really wanted to move forward with Catherine. Really, I do. But Catherine left me thinking about what she said. **_"Maybe you need to find out if you still love her." _**

* * *

**This was one of my favorite episode. I really felt Catherine's pain but she had to hold back her feelings. If only i could write Catherine's thoughts. And Vincent was really confused. I hope I gave justice to it. Thank you for reading and enjoy the weekend. Leave me something to read? :))) **


	21. Chapter 21

Please let me explain my actions.

I said this before. I had no plans on rekindling the relationship I had with Alex. I went to see her the first time because I thought she deserved to know even just the minor details on what happened to me. In fact, to end us. She waited too long for nothing. She needed to move on. I will always love Alex and it did not seem right for me to come back just like that. A lot has changed that she might not understand.

Secrets and lies. There is a difference, right?

I did not lie to Catherine about Alex. But yes, I kept it a secret. I had found someone whom I can see my future with. We might have not admitted about that yet but I know I have a future with Catherine. That's why I never talked about my past, about Alex. What's the point when everything I needed is at the present? Catherine would not even asked or pry into it. She knew how dreadful my past was since I enlisted. She asked me questions when I talked about my past but she never interrogated.

I never planned about a reunion of me and Alex. If I did, I had done that after I came back. I thought about it, yes. But I had not expected it would ever happen. It's like… after a very long time, I have somehow accepted that I can never be the same Vincent Keller that I used to be. It was never easy to welcome this life that I have now. I struggled so hard to find a way to fix this and JT was a witness to that.

But it looked like Catherine was not ready to move forward with me. Not yet. Maybe I will give it a shot. I mean, Catherine's suggestion. I understand her being careful when it comes to building a relationship. Maybe she's right. I need to find out.

My phone buzzed. I hoped it was from her, Catherine. It was a text message from JT looking for me. I better get down from the rooftop before he will have another heart attack.

* * *

Please don't hate me for being gone for weeks.

I did a lot of thinking for almost two weeks. Ten days to be exact. I gave myself time to figure things out. I spent some days with Alex. Again, some days not everyday. I went to her place maybe three or four times. She cooked for me and we talked a lot. We talked about anything except who or what Vincent Keller is now. And the rest of those days… It's either I was alone or with JT at the warehouse.

I did visit Catherine a couple of times but I was just on the building across from hers. I was not ready to face her yet. I am not sure why. I did not dare to text or call her because I didn't know what to say. I don't know what to do!

I know I disappointed her. I could not forget her face from the last time I saw her. There were tears in her eyes. That was the reason I had tears on my own. I cared about Catherine so much. I hoped she feels that. That was why I looked down when she asked me the question. I did not lie. I don't want to keep secrets from her anymore.

* * *

I was standing on the same building again today looking at her from afar. I missed Catherine a lot but I do not know why I cannot face her. I was scared to see her cry again knowing those tears are because of me. Because I am in this crazy situation but believe me I am willing to move forward with her and she knew that.

I remembered a photo of me that she took from Alex. That was sweet actually. It really made me smile. But I am not sure if having that photo made her happy or sad.

Okay. Here is what I think. Catherine wanted assurance that having Alex around would not change things between us. Maybe that was why she wanted me to think things over. I love Catherine for not being selfish.

Therefore, I gathered my courage and was standing in her living room. She was still recovering from her injuries after the car accident and I am so bad that I was not there to take care of her. I am the one who is selfish.

Why can't I tell her straight that I have no plans in going back with Alex? Instead, I kept on asking Catherine what about "Us" or "you and me" but she brushed off the questions. Twice!

I was waiting for an encouragement, you know, that I am hers and there is no more reason for me to go back with Alex. I was hoping she would help me make the right decision. I know I suck on that.

I am not complaining or blaming her. It's just that… giving me an answer of "It's really none of my business" made me heavyhearted.

Right. Right. It's up to me. Not Catherine.

And so I called Alex back. She was calling me earlier when I was with Catherine. I cancelled the call.

* * *

The whole point of going over to Alex was to tell her I could not see her anymore and not to looked at her naked or even do more than watching her naked. I swear! I did not do anything. I just continued looking at the photos of me, her, together with our parents. It was a nice feeling actually but I know those are just memories. Those photos were in our past.

I went there because of Catherine. I wanted to give what Catherine wants. The assurance and the truth that I no longer see myself with Alex. But what if I don't tell her, Alex. Yes, I was not able to tell her about it yet because of a naked woman in front of me and photos that made me thought of what could have been if I did not leave my family.

Catherine's life had never been the same since she found out about me. She risked so much to keep me safe and I don't want Alex to take the same risk.

I also wanted to have someone look at me and not feel like I got this big secret that they have to protect me from. I could have that with Alex, right? If I don't tell her the truth about me? Oh no. Now I am confused.

* * *

Alex was not into anything like stealing.

Catherine came by and handed me an investigation letter that involved Alex. I did not mean to say that Catherine was spying on her. Sorry for that. I know Catherine was trying to do the right thing. She saw Alex taking medicine and supplies from the hospital. It's unbelievable. I don't think Alex is capable of doing such a thing. What is she up to?

I went to see Alex again. I know I should be avoiding her but I do not want her to get into trouble. I did not know how to ask her in a nice way without offending her. I tried my best to tell her that no matter how I would like to go back in time, to the way we used to be, I emphasized that I am completely a different person now and that both of us have a few new secrets. Alex understood what I meant and she kind of admitted it. What had she done?

I was wondering why Alex brought me to a store owned by a Chinese old man. She turned into a drug lord, wasn't she? But when I went in further, I saw medical stuff and sick people. A clinic? So, that was where the medicine and medical supplies she was stealing go to. A clinic for people who cannot pay, who doesn't have health insurance, no jobs... It was a bad and a good act at the same time.

I even helped a kid with his broken arm and it really felt good helping. I think this was what she meant when she said how much she wanted our old life back so badly. She knew that I am in hiding. And with her clinic, I could be a doctor again since it was also a secret just like my life.

_**"Don't you want that? To be that Vincent again?"** _I smiled thinking about it. I shrugged but the question lingered in my ears.

* * *

**Wow. It was very difficult writing this! I hope you guys understand what Vincent was trying to say. Thank you for reading! Have a great weekend! **


	22. Chapter 22

What would you do if you were given another chance to live the life that you yearned for so long?

Does Alex need to know what really happened to me? She knew that I am in hiding. She knew that I am in danger and that there are people who wanted me dead. That's all she needed to know. I am sure she understood the urgency of my safety. Nobody needs to know about me. She doesn't have to know where I live. I can stay at her place sometimes and work together in this secret clinic. Sounds like a plan, right?

In a perfect world, it could happen. We could live our lives in secret. No dates. No movies. No children. We could not have the family that we planned. The question is… does she want that? Would she be okay to live the life that I have now?

And I could not ignore the fact that I am a mutating beast. Anything can happen to me at any time. The changes in me were uncontrollable. I even have a new perk or talent, if that's what you want to call it. Night visions. So cool, huh? But what I had been through before this talent of mine came up was not a walk in a park. Black outs. Terminator episodes. Catherine and JT had a hard time looking after me. Will Alex do the same?

Sooner or later, Alex had to know the truth. Then I have to tell her about Muirfield, what they did to me and who knows she will look them up and put her life at risk. Just like JT and Catherine. And when she did know about me being like this… I don't know. Would she still accept me of who or what I have become?

There is only one person that could control me. The only person who accepted me and the beast in me. She was never afraid of me. She had seen the worst in me. Catherine… she had been there for me. She still is. Her life had never been the same since she found out about me. I had put her in danger and risked her job to protect me. And this was not just one time but several times. How long could she handle me being like this? How much longer could I expect Catherine to put up with all of this?

I am trying not to choose. I don't want to. I don't have to. But I have this chance to start a new beginning and that was all I ever wanted.

* * *

**_"The sooner we could get out of here, the sooner we could start living." _**

Alex proposed to me. Well, not marriage. Technically, we are still engaged, aren't we? No. No. Sorry. Irrelevant thoughts.

Alex told me about this mobile medical team that works in remote areas in Nigeria. They travelled from village to village helping people who need medical care. She said she was ready to leave New York and never come back. She wanted to leave with me. We could go together. We could start a new life away from here. The idea did not have to be a fantasy, right? Shall I choose this path?

* * *

**_"Vincent?"_**

I was wordless when I heard her voice on the other line. I did not know who else to call. JT was not picking up his phone.

**_"Catherine, I need your help. I think I'm getting arrested."_** I am such an idiot.

Alex and I were having a bit of fun on an ice skating rink talking about the life we could have if we leave the country for good. Unfortunately, we went in unauthorized that led us into a big trouble. Alex may find it a silly thing and just a minor offense but she did not know the consequence if I will give out my name to the police officer. I don't have a driver's license or any ID to show them. How could a dead guy have one?

I was piss off when the officer was forcing me to give my name. I felt my eyes changed and my hands into claws. I almost lost my temper but I felt Catherine's arrival and it stopped me from turning. She always does that. I mean, she calms down the beast within me.

But I was scared when I saw her got out from her car. I could see her anger and more pissed than I was. Catherine and the officer had an argument because she did not let him ran through her badge. She just showed it to him. I was so sorry for the police officer to hear those awful and rough words from Catherine but I knew those words were for me.

And it did not end there. I felt more of her anger when I tried my best to calm her down. Catherine took advantage again of her position to save my ass. I am sorry. I lost control when I thought of what would happen if I was taken in. Catherine was the only one who can protect me.

* * *

I walked Alex home but no words were spoken. I left as soon as I got there. I just needed time alone with my own thoughts.

From one disappointment to another. I'm sure Catherine will shoot me if she could.

Catherine was beyond upset. Aside from rescuing me from the police officer, I was taped and she had to find a way to cover that up too. I had nothing else to say but I was so sorry for my actions. I was overwhelmed. I had forgotten the real world for a while.

**_"If you wanna figure out if you can get your old life back, that's fine. But it doesn't erase the life that you have now. You have to figure out what you want because if you're not gonna protect yourself, maybe it's time that I rethink the risks that I had taken to protect you."_**

The words were haunting me. It kept echoing in my head. This was what I was afraid of. Catherine was about to give up on me. She had been patient and waited for me for almost a month and I had not given her any answer. Instead, I gave her these headaches and put up with my shit. Now but I hope not she is going to abandon me.

Would Catherine be better off without me? If I leave, she could have her life back. Her normal life back. She would no longer worry about me, about my safety. She did not have to put her job and life in danger anymore just to protect me.

* * *

The way I see things now… I think I lost Catherine.

That moment when you already made a decision and ready to stand for it, then wonderful things that could alter your judgment took place.

She wanted to be with me. Could you believe that? Catherine wanted to be with me! She was willing to fight and would not give up on us before we even started.

But then… Okay. I was trying to weigh things here the right way.

Ugh! This is difficult to write. But how much more saying it to Catherine?

I love Catherine. I know I love her. JT knows that. Catherine knows that too, right?

But if I would like to live the life that I wanted, the life that I missed, I know it would not be with Catherine. She has her life here. Her family. Her friends. She has her job and she is good at it. I don't think she could make a decision of giving up all those to be with me. Would she?

But Alex would. She is willing to give her life up to go with me. Away somewhere from all of this so I could be free. But would all of this… Would all the things I planned would end up just a fantasy when Alex knew the truth? I don't know... unless I would give it a try?

* * *

**Okay. Let's go ahead and strangle Vincent. :))) **

**Thank you for reading and goodnight!  
**


	23. Chapter 23

**_"Vincent, you haven't told her. And until you do, isn't all of this… just a fantasy?"_**

Catherine Chandler left more than an hour ago but I had not moved an inch from where I was. She left again with words that bewildered me. You know, she seemed to do that recently since Alex came back. Our conversation in her apartment when she took my photo… when I almost got arrested… and now this. Like thoughts to ponder.

Okay. I think I got it. Catherine was trying in her own way to help me make the right decision. She does not tell me what to do. Instead, she tells me what she thought is best of the situation then let me realize on my own what I should do.

But I already made my decision, had I not? I did not really choose Alex. I chose the things that came along with her. I do not want to sound like a broken record but I really, really wanted to start a new, peaceful life. And I thought it could happen.

JT got home and that brought me back to my senses.

"Everything okay?" I looked at him but said nothing. "What's going on? What happened?" Now I made him worried.

"I'm okay, JT." I lied.

"Good. If you'll ask me, I'm not." Now I was worried, too. "I came across with Evan Marks. Well, not that I did but he found out about my research on your DNA and that led him to me. I'm sure you know him." He checked on me if I was still listening. "So… I'm not really helping him. I'm just there to be "there" for his thing. In fact, I might be able to find new information about your DNA, with their high-tech equipment, that is. So… don't worry, I'm still on your side."

I smiled. "Thanks, JT and… I'm sorry for all the troubles."

"I already know that, big guy."

Things were getting out of hand. Evan's involvement might complicate the situation. He already had my DNA. What if this new team up with JT would easily find me? I know, I know. JT is on my side and I hope he will always be.

* * *

I stopped counting the days from the last time I saw Catherine. Yeah, yeah. I do not have the balls to face her. Not after everything have been said and done. So, I thought of dropping by to at least see her from a distance.

I remembered during their dad's wedding that I was Vincent Zalanksi. Now, I got a new name. Ass. Heather just called me an ass. There was a knock on the door and Heather thought it might be me and I kind of chuckled at Catherine's response. **_"It's not him. He doesn't knock."_**

What the hell is Alex doing in Catherine's apartment? And what cabin trip?

I could not believe it. Alex asked her permission first before telling me about her plans for this weekend. I know her intentions were good but… Oh, man. She shouldn't have to. I just don't want to make things harder between me and Catherine. Dammit.

* * *

Oh yeah, she was mad. She even rolled her eyes at me and what does "cold turkey" even mean? Is that a woman kind of thing?

It was a cold morning. I waited for Catherine in the park. It was the weekend. I know it was her jogging schedule. Same day at the same time but seemed like she was not glad to see me. Well, after what I did, I should have expected that but I came to apologize about Alex going over to her place to ask for her approval for the said trip.

Last night, I went to Alex's place after her surprise visit to Catherine. Of course, she opened up about the cabin trip but I did not talk about her going to Catherine. Not yet. Somehow, I thought it would be a good plan. It could be a chance to tell Alex the truth about me.

Again, I chose this path so I could get out of this world. This would not be about hurting Catherine or choosing Alex over her. I just could see myself practicing medicine again. This cabin trip might also answer or make my decisions clearer.

I know Catherine was worried about me changing or losing control if ever I feel threatened and might hurt Alex. I know Catherine is the only one that could calm me down but I would never hurt Alex and it would be the two of us in a cabin upstate. It is in a remote location away from the city. No cameras, not much of people. I don't see any danger at all that could threaten me or us.

I apologized if I somehow raised my voice at her. Her voice was also higher than her normal. But I should understand her anger. I was the one who put her in this situation anyway.

I was a bit hurt. I was actually waiting for her to stop me from going. Maybe get her opinion or maybe some thoughts to ponder. Ugh! I am acting like a woman. I think she was trying to stop me or was I too blind to see it? Tsk. I guessed she doesn't care about me anymore.

* * *

Please give me a sign if this would be the right path to take.

I am kind of drained justifying my decisions. All I wanted was to tell Alex everything and talk about our plans on moving forward. I thought the cabin was the perfect place but yeah even though I tried to get away, they still found me.

Yes, Muirfield was at the cabin. They found us through a bug from Alex's apartment. Now, she is involve with this mess and I still had not told her the truth! And it took her to witness how I ripped those men from Muirfield apart for her to understand what I had tried to say all this time.

Catherine was right. I got caught up in this fantasy. Let me now go back to my real world.

* * *

If not for Catherine, I didn't know what could have happened since Muirfield tracked us. I was so glad she was there after all the stupid things I had done to hurt her. I am such an ass.

Catherine was never a second choice. It was never about taking off with Alex. It was about a better future for me. Oh, man. I am exhausted of justifying my actions. I know I was at fault. I made the wrong move.

I told you I really suck in making decisions. Now, I lost the most important person who had seen me at my worst and knows the darkest part of me and still had not run. But I guess this time… she did.

I got the sign and that is losing Catherine.


	24. Chapter 24

I was sitting on her fire escape for I did not know how long. I just wanted to stay there even if I was alone.

Catherine went out with her sister and her best friend. She deserved to have fun and maybe to forget me. I did not want her to move on without me. I am really sorry that I had to hurt her for me to realize everything. Just like I told her before she left, I would do whatever it takes to make this right. Even if she said there is nothing I could do, I would be willing to pay for what I did.

I waited and waited for them to come home. It was already three in the morning and they were still out. I wondered what bar they went to. Finally, I heard Heather laughing as she opened the main door. I listened to Catherine giggled. I started to move and sat on the window sill. Thirty minutes had passed and they were still in the living room. Then I heard Heather's door closed. I could hear my heart beating fast. I swallowed my anxiousness. I knew she would open the door any minute. Ten minutes later, she was nowhere. I could not help it and I went in and sat in her bed. I waited and waited. I heard nothing. Silence.

I got worried and slowly opened her door. Lights were out. They were not in the living room anymore. I closed her door and went out of the window, passed through the fire escape and slowly peeked in the other window. And there they were. Sleeping like a baby.

I smiled. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow. Good night, ladies.

* * *

I woke up late with obvious reasons. I joined JT for a late breakfast.

"Were you home last night? I didn't notice."

"Morning, JT. I went home really late. I was with… Catherine."

"Woah! She forgave you that easily? Man, that woman is all over you."

"Actually not. Not anymore. I was just there but we didn't talk. I mean, we did before she went out with her sister and her friend. Then I waited for her to come home but she ended up sleeping at her sister's room."

"Smart move. I mean, no offense, man. You broke her heart big time."

Hell, I did.

* * *

I left the warehouse the moment I saw the darkness in the sky. I did nothing for the day but waited until I get to see her again. I tried calling her. Of course, she was not answering.

My excitement died down when I reached her fire escape. The window was locked and the curtains were drawn. I tried knocking several times. No answer. I checked on Heather's. No one was home.

Her window was always open. It was like an invitation for me. But not until tonight. Is she shutting me out for good?

I waited for another two hours. I heard the door opened and Catherine was talking on the phone. I think it was her partner inviting Catherine to date another friend. But she refused. Good. I knocked on the window when the call ended. Silence. I heard nothing. The lights went out. The door closed.

I sighed. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.

* * *

There was never a day that I did not tried to text her and call her. I even tried using JT's phone but no good. I waited by her car one time but she went back in the precinct as soon as she saw me. I wanted to knock at their front door but I was afraid Heather might open it.

I waited around her fire escape alone every day before sunrise and after sunset. But she never answered the knocks on her window. I miss her voice, her laugh, her smile, her smell. I miss Catherine so much.

Sometimes, I would be on the rooftop of the building right across her apartment. I could not see her though. The curtains were drawn.

I followed her at the park while having her weekend jog but I chickened out. I do not know how to approach her anymore. I guessed I am now afraid of Catherine.

"Try and try until you succeed." I heard JT said that once when I came home late again.

Waiting in vain? I don't care. I would still keep my promise. I'm not going anywhere. I had done this for nine years without her knowledge. I could wait forever.


	25. Chapter 25

I had totally forgotten about Alex.

After that horrible night, there is no point of keeping in touch with Alex. The look on her face that night was... unforgettable. She was so scared and shaken. That was not what I saw from Catherine when we first met.

Alex turned her back on me. Everything that we planned… Nigeria, Mexico, a new beginning, helping people, a peaceful life… now gone. But I could not blame her.

I wanted to call Alex but… I know it was not enough but I just hoped she knew how really sorry I was to have her go through that scenario just to understand who I really am now. I wanted to tell her the truth and not to see me like that.

No more fantasy. No more dreaming. This is my life now.

* * *

Don't get me wrong. I did not give up on Catherine. Never. No reason at all. Unless… She said so.

I just gave her the space she needed. I would never get tired of waiting on her fire escape even though her window was locked. I would wait until she answers the knocks on her window or answer my calls and messages. But damn. I missed her so much.

Just wait. Just wait.

* * *

Valentine's Day.

Damn. Perfect timing.

I thought I would be able to celebrate the day this time. But the woman whom I wanted to celebrate it with was mad at me or worse hated me.

I grabbed my phone and took a deep breath. There's no harm in trying.

_Good morning. Happy Hearts Day. -V_

I know. I know. I would not expect a reply. At least I gave it a shot.

Sighed.

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

* * *

I missed leaving notes at her apartment.

I remembered the very first note I left her was "Ballet roof". I think that was the night where we allowed ourselves to be in each others lives despite the odds. But how could I now if she locked down all the windows and doors.

I hope I would be lucky today. It's Valentine's Day after all. Cupid, please be nice to me.

* * *

Catherine Chandler is the toughest woman I have ever met! But, hey, at least we talked. I was able to see her face to face again.

After I sent her that early morning greeting, I could not get back to sleep. So, I tried my luck and went to one of my favorite spots to check on her. Not the fire escape but the building across her apartment. Man, I was glad to see her window open! Was it an invitation? Was it a peace-offering? Or maybe she just forgot to close it?

I was able to sneak in the note on her bed while she was still in the bathroom and waited for her at the rooftop. My heart was racing when I sensed Catherine coming up. I kept my hands inside the pocket of my coat to hide my jitters. I could not be happier when I finally saw her after almost a month. But…

She did not look happy to see me. She was cold as the weather. No "good morning" or "happy hearts day" or "I got your message today". Instead, she told me not to worry about Alex and that she helped her to be more careful.

I know thirty days was not enough but I did not want to let this day pass without trying to invite her for a dinner. Dinner at… the warehouse? I just thought this would be a perfect day to make up with Catherine.

I'm afraid not. It was still about Alex and no matter what I say to defend myself; I know it was my fault and that I lost her trust.

Catherine left me again dumbfounded.

Gain her trust again. Stubborn as Catherine. This would be a long day for me. Let's do this!

* * *

**_"Embrace the cheese factor. Making a mockery of your manhood for one day and serving up the romance on an over prize platter."_**

Thanks to JT or thanks to the internet?

And when did he start siding on Catherine? But the guy had a point. Catherine's trust ran empty on me.

I did not know where to start. I mean, I had not wooed a woman in ten years. I forgot what V-day was all about. What should I do?

Let me start with flowers?

* * *

I think I ordered the wrong flowers.

I had to use JT's credit card to order those flowers online, signed as her Secret Admirer and have those delivered at her precinct. What's wrong with cut flowers? Come on, it was two dozen of red roses. Should have I ordered white roses instead?

Catherine is punishing me. I heard her told Tess it would take more than roses. For what? To forgive me?

Alright. Alright. I promised I would do anything to make this right, remember?

So, what's next? Chocolates?

* * *

I owed JT with everything including his credit card. Chocolates in a heart-shaped. What's her favorite, anyway? Damn. I suck at this.

Done with the order online when Catherine came at the warehouse with a bad news.

I should have tried to talk to Alex after that night or days after. I should have told her everything because she is now under Muirfield's radar.

JT was right. Alex told someone else about me and that someone else was a reporter who ended up dead today. Catherine could not find her as of now. Alex is my responsibility to keep her away from my mess but Catherine and JT would not let me help.

You know, I am trying to fix things with Catherine and now another problem came our way and that involved Alex. Why would she… oh, man. Maybe I was not clear when I told Alex about how dangerous this organization Muirfield is.

I could not do anything. Catherine won't let me and I have to stay for her to trust me again and that was what I wanted. But both women closed to me were out there in danger.

I trust Catherine. I know she will find Alex.

JT was out for a date with Sarah. Catherine was working on the dead reporter case and to find Alex while I am stuck here at home. I should do something.

* * *

People were nice to help me without anything in return.

I hung out outside the precinct to make sure Catherine liked the chocolates. It was not her favorite and Tess ate it.

While I was thinking of what else to do, I noticed a girl waiting for someone outside an establishment. I dared to ask how her Valentine's Day was going and said nothing special. So, I asked her what would be a good thing to do to make it special.

So, I got a plan.

* * *

I could not stop from smiling watching Catherine.

She was kind of hesitant at first when a group of people surrounded her but when the song started to play and those people danced, she was smiling and so pretty.

That girl I talked to did a great job. With a good song which I did not know what is and a heart-shaped balloons with Catherine's name on it. All I did was write my initial on a pink paper heart to make sure it was me. It was beautiful to watch them and Catherine. I felt awesome.

I answered when my phone rang and still I could not stop myself from smiling.

My smile went away when I heard it was Alex and she needed my help.

Now what?


	26. Chapter 26

V-day was about to end but I had not heard from Catherine.

I enjoyed watching the mob with Catherine on the screen when my phone rang. I could not stop from smiling and answered the call immediately thinking it was her.

Yes, I have decided and was looking forward to a life with Catherine but Alex was in trouble. I am sorry if I was not able to tell Catherine about it. I panicked. I had to help Alex. It was my fault why she was under Muirfield's radar. If only my guilty conscience did not bother me and did not showed up to her.

* * *

From one betrayal to another.

First, she asked a reporter to help expose Muirfield's wrongdoings and that person turned out dead. Now, she got Muirfield closer to me. Alex had no idea on what was going on. She did not really understand my situation. All she thought of was to have me cured and I could not blame her for that.

There is no explanation on why Catherine and I have this great and strong connection. Alex was wrong. Catherine was never selfish. She always put her family and friends first over herself and that was what she had done to me ever since she found me. Catherine had protected me even if she had to go out of her way. And besides JT, she accepts me for who I am and that's why I trust her. Although now, because of the mess I made, I understand that Catherine have to protect her heart.

See what I mean when I said that Catherine was not selfish at all?

She saved me again for the nth time. Even if I broke her heart, she was there for me. It could be about her work or because we were friends. Still, Catherine was there to protect me. We saved Alex, too from being deceived by Muirfield. We just had to go through critical situations just to find the answers. That was what I learned from living this kind of life.

* * *

I had known Alex half of my life and I believe she still has the good heart in her. We just needed to look deeper to understand everything.

It was never easy to let go of someone you love the most, someone you planned to spend your life with. But it would be more painful to hold on to a life that was lost ten years ago. Alex finally did let go.

* * *

Catherine came by the warehouse and provided Alex the things she needed to get out of the city and to stay away from my enemies. Catherine is the best friend anyone could ever ask for.

I watched Alex and Catherine get in the car.

Two women. The past and the present.

I wish I could still have Catherine in my future.

"Catherine, wait!" I sped up from upstairs to catch up with Catherine before they leave.

She got out from the car as I heavily said, "Hi."

Catherine said nothing. "Um… Can I see you later?"

"I'm not sure. I have to make sure Alex leaves safe and I have to drop by the precinct after."

Silence.

"We have to go." She said without looking at me.

I was out of words. Catherine went back in the car and drove off.

* * *

I still felt and saw the hesitation on her face but I would not give up on Catherine. Not now. I would do whatever it takes for her to forgive me.

So, I waited on her fire escape until she got home. It was cold and the window was close but I did not mind. It had been three hours though since they left the warehouse. I did not want to annoy Catherine so I did not follow her. I wondered what took her so long to come home.

What's next for me? I have no idea. I just wanted to see Catherine tonight and to thank her for taking care of everything then I would take it from there. It would not be bad to ask for a second chance, right?

* * *

I must be so tired that I fell asleep and was awakened by footsteps and a familiar scent. She's home.

I suddenly felt... panicky. I guessed I no longer know how to approach Catherine. It felt like she was so fragile that I was afraid that I might break her... again.

So, I brought my wimpy ass to the rooftop when I heard Catherine came in her room. I bought some time thinking how to make my entrance and at the same time taking deep breaths while practicing on what to say to her. "Hi. How are you?" would be good to start a conversation, right? How about "Are you okay?" Nah. I do not want to be ignorant. I know she was not okay and she was tired.

I took a peek down below and my heart thud faster when the window opened and I saw Catherine looked out. I could not move. I was not sure on what to do. Should I go back on the fire escape and say "Hi. How are you?" Oh, man. I had never been this panicky before.

See? It took me a long time to decide on what to do and Catherine went back in and closed the window. Dammit.

* * *

I hurriedly went back to the fire escape but the lights were already out. I moved fast and tried Heather's room. Same thing. The window was close and the room was dark. One more way for me to get into her apartment was the windows in the living room. I moved faster from Heather's going to the living room and Catherine was about to close the windows as well. Was she really shutting me out for real? I won't go home until I speak with Catherine.

I could not remember how I got in before she could lock the windows. Adrenaline, I guess. I jumped as high as I could and just in time to stop Catherine from sliding down the window pane. However, I was short of distance and I found myself hanging on the window. It was fine. I was just five floors above the ground.

"Vincent, what the hell?!" Catherine said aloud and there was fear in her voice.

All I said was, "Hi." Damn. That was my favorite word these days. I realized I was holding on to the window sill when I said that.

"What do you think you are doing?" Catherine scolded me as she pulled me in.

"Well, I wanted to see you but seems like you are shutting doors and windows on me." I told her as I helped myself up.

Catherine suddenly burst into laughter. Her strange, funny laugh.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I just recalled your face when you were hanging on the window sill."

"That was not funny. I could have died, Catherine."

"No, you won't. It's just five floors, anyway. You'll live."

Catherine moved away to the kitchen and gave me a what-do-you-want look. I started to walk towards her but she walked away from me.

"I came here to say thank you for everything, for saving me again."

Catherine just stared at me and said nothing.

"and I... wanted to ask for your forgiveness for the mess I made."

She looked down but said nothing.

"Can I ask for a second chance?"

Catherine looked up at me this time.

"Just like what you said before. Can we start over?"

* * *

**Please let me know if I should continue this. I'm not sure because season 2 is about to start. Is it still okay? Less than a week to go! Thank you in advance for reading. Night!****  
**


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